Welcome to the Machine

The following was sent to HOWrestling.com from Noelle Rivers team.(Trust us in that Noelle Rivers is signed to a contract)

Fresh off a world championship run cut short due to circumstances outside of her control, beloved cultural icon and super nice person Vhodka Black has been making waves on Twitter flirting with various promotions all vying for the Lucy Ricardo of professional wrestling to grace their rosters with her unique brand of star power and unidentifiable bodily fluids. 

The This-Is-Awesome March 2022 cover model was recently left as a free agent after the abrupt closure of Pro Wrestling Excellence only a few short weeks after Mrs.Black’s shocking world title win over previous champion Damian Ayla. There were whispers that she might return to the Black family affiliated FIGHT! NYC which is owned by Black’s brother-in-law Xavier Black but those rumors seemed to die down quickly as her representation Icon Statys management opened up the floor for contract offers for both Mrs. Black and her husband, Vincent Black.  When asked directly by reporters about the possibility of a return to FIGHT! Mrs. Black was quoted as saying: “The sex fed? Ew, gross.” 

Free agency has not been without turbulence for Mrs. Black as she’s been mired in controversy in recent weeks. There were reports out of Bent Fork, TN that Mrs. Black had been involved in physical altercation with local pastor Steve Soloman who readers might recall playing a big part in Mrs. Black’s personal life in the lead up to her world championship match with Damian Ayla. Sources report that it all began over a remark by Mrs. Black where she stated  that the communion wafers distributed at Christ Chapel Bible Church were responsible for a recent outbreak of gastrointestinal illness that has plagued the small community. Pastor Steve was adamant to the press that the wafers served to his congregation were of the highest quality and a befitting crunchy representation of the body of christ. 

On a podcast several days after the pastor’s official statement, Mrs. Black was quoted as saying “I didn’t know you could purchase the body of Christ with your sister Charlene’s food stamps.” when podcast host Vinny Pants questioned further Mrs. Black doubled down on the tainted sacrament while also seeming to imply that Pastor Steve is involved in preying on vulnerable members of the community by offering to trade them what he claims is holy water from the Jordan River but  Mrs. Black staunchly claims it is no more than toilet water from the Love’s Rest Stop where Pastor Steve likes to, and we quote, “go round back and baptize lot lizards if you know what I’m sayin’.” 

Things came to a head when the two met face to face at the illegal game room in the back of the Pump N Munch off Hwy 10. Mrs. Black had taken a break from the slots to engage in a high stakes squirrel fight where the winner stood poised to walk away with $50 of minutes good for Metro PCS prepaid phones. Pastor Steve arrived midway into the match up with local pediatrician Jess Crumpets and the two made a beeline for Mrs.Black who had been informed of their arrival and was trying to shimmy out of the hole where the window unit used to reside prior to its theft last summer. Tense words were exchanged before the two ultimately came to blows with Mrs. Black taking the upper hand in the early minutes thanks to her use of pocket sand. 

The controversy hasn’t done much to dampen the steady stream of contract offers being thrown Mrs. Blacks way with promotions such as Level Up even offering to play host to a sanctioned showdown between Mrs. Black and Pastor Steve. No official word yet on whether either party has accepted the proposal. 

In other news, it’s been reported that Mr. and Mrs. Black’s proteges are back stateside with Nicole Smithers and RJ Starburst inking contracts with the prestigious High Octane Wrestling, while Ashley Jules continues to explore his options.