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The Office of Darin Zion releases ANOTHER statement on Simon Sparrow
The promo battle between Bobbinette Carey and Sir Simon Sparrow has concluded. After witnessing the events in one of the promos, it peaked the interest of a thorn in Simon Sparrow’s side. The self-proclaimed Chief Financial Officer of HOW Darin Zion released a statement:
“Once again we find the Founder of Starrbucks, home of America’s WORST coffee, up to his usual hijinks. It doesn’t surprise me that Mr. Sparrow is pawning off used Death Starr’s to his fanbase. I can say with a straight face that Simon’s hypocritical actions don’t surprise me anymore.
It only confirms my suspicions that Mr. Sparrow’s antics are a farce. Over the past few weeks Simon’s called my character into question. Without a bit of consultation, Mr. Starr demanded I apologize to him. After 3 years of frustrations, I lashed out against Jatt’s family. With his clear intentions in mind, Simon said his peace two weeks ago. His emotions got the best of him when he STALKED me all the way to MVW. No one can fault Captain Jatt in his time of emotional distress. If a random person harmed my step-daughter, my world would come crashing down too.
But HOW Hall of Famers must uphold a certain set of standards. They should stand above regular wrestlers like myself. We have raised the bar for their behavior standards in this industry. Unfortunately this week, Mr. Sparrow has not lived up to expectations.
I’m the first one standing in line when I say; I don’t agree with how Ms. Carey presents herself at times. Not only does she harp on everyone like my grandmother, she dresses like her too. Her magenta printed shirts remind me of my grandma’s lavender floral wall paper. It’s a God Damn Travesty.
I could yammer on about one of my potential rivals in the Maurako Cup all day long. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, I must remain a benevolent, impartial official with my power.
As someone with a high moral character who respects our fans; you crossed a line with me. You targeted Ms. Carey’s life choices. You demeaned her character. Your actions opened up HOW to potential litigations from Ms. Carey’s lawyers. While I’m not HR department, I handle the books. Cases like these cost HOW no less than $970,000 or more.
As the Self-Appointed Chief Financial Officer of HOW, I watch the bottom line. I’ve personally recommended a rigorous match schedule for Brian Hollywood. To remain in the black line, we can’t afford to pay out an extra PENNY to such frivolous things. Now I have to deal with another flippant disregard to our financial situation.
I expected better out of a gentleman like you, Sir Simon Says.
I wasted no time in sending a proposal to the office of MOB. Should Ms. Carey decide to take this matter up in a court, I hope the board takes my suggestion. I’ve seen to it that any charge incurred by your actions gets sanctioned against you. While I admit I hold no OFFICIAL authority, I stand by my statements I made back at ICONIC.
New Year, New Me.
It’s my personal responsibility to recommend what’s best for HOW. I got a hefty raise and I have a sense of pride. I want to earn every cent of my raise by doing more work outside my responsibilities. It’s an honor after 8 years of busting my ass I get recognized by The Best Family. While The Family and I don’t see eye to eye with each other, I got to do my job. It’s nothing personal, Mr. Sparrow.
I could have asked for your job. I could have filed an HR complaint like Bobbinette Carey did months ago. Those actions are petty especially in our situation. I’ve always held you in high regard, Jatt. You paved the way for someone like me to make a career here in HOW. You’ve carved your legacy by winning various championships. You’re bar none one of Lee’s most loyal employees. I hold no grudges over our misunderstandings. I’ve gone on record twice now saying I want to mend our broken bonds. I want to honor your daughter’s legacy by doing the right thing.
But I don’t trust you after the last few years. You’ve made unprovoked jabs at my name. You’ve always felt I held no value to this company. On record, you’ve called me a loser 97,000 times. I cannot bend a knee without knowing these feelings of yours come from your cold, calloused heart. I’ve even warned you of the consequences if I see your actions do not match your words.
For a man who wants me to apologize for slighting his daughter, you sure treat other daughters like shit. How would Bobbinette’s father feel in this situation? How would you feel if I slut shamed Gilda? It’s unwarranted! It’s terrible! I’d even take your side in calling myself the scum of the earth. IT’S WRONG! It’s highly hypocritical! You’d knock down my door and knock me the fuck out. I wouldn’t blame you for that anger. That behavior would warrant the punishment.
If you want me to apologize, DO BETTER. BE BETTER than what you claim I am. Otherwise, I’ll see to moving up my one week timeline. I’ll knock your damn teeth down your throat the next time I see you. I’m trying NOT to be the brazen, angry Zion any more. But you’re trying my damn patience in this situation, Simon.
Against my better judgement, Simon; my offer still stands. You have until the end of this week’s Refueled to rectify our mishap. Come to my personal ‘office’ and talk like the gentleman you claim to be. We can still move past all this bullshit.
But if you continue down this dark path Mr. Sparrow and escalate, well…maybe I’ll have to pivot on my approach.
Balls in your court, Jatt. I look forward to seeing your decision. I know your a man of honor like myself and will do the right thing.
Sincerely in Highest Regards
Darin Adam Zion
Self-Proclaimed HOW Chief Financial Officer”
