Darin Zion responds to Simon Sparrow
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Darin Zion responds to Simon Sparrow

The office of the Self-Proclaimed CFO of HOW, Darin Zion has issued the following statement over Simon Sparrow’s actions at MVW earlier in the week:

“Jatt, Jatt, Jatt…

The owner of the shittiest football franchise, the Jattsonville Jaguars.  The slinger of Jattsonville Brats, the worst of the wurst might I add.

Many wrestlers would explode over what happened in Carbondale.  They’d turn over crates and destroy backstage areas looking to pulverize the person who wronged them.  Hell as the self-proclaimed Chief Financial Officer of HOW; I’ve strongly thought about writing Michael Oliver Best a seething letter about fining you to net our business back into profitability.  While I haven’t personally met MOB, I can tell he’s a man after my own heart in making sure HOW becomes profitable.  I could fine you for your infractions against me.

But I’m a benevolent man.

As someone whose had his career slandered by this entire roster for 3 years; I begged for an apology.  No one would lend an ear to hear what I said.  I get I caused pain.  But as someone who has bent the knee to HOW Hall of Famers and legends alike for the last 3 years.  I’m tired of setting my career back by kissing everyone’s ass.  All I asked for last week is for you to TELL ME what you would do to protect your daughter’s honor.

Hell, I did that when I fought my former rival, Xander Azula.  I threatened to murder him in cold blood to save Meredith’s life.  I did that for two weeks before acting on it.  I gave the man ample warning.  Similar to you, I offered Xander grace and peace.  At the time, I didn’t want to tag with my Masters of the Multiverse partner because he acted creepy.

Things change and life changes things.

In normal circumstances, I’d lose my temper and go into a blind fit of rage.  You cost me a match against SCOTT STEVENS out of all people.  I should crucify you on the cross like Mike Best did to your stablemate and my buddy, Conor Fuse.  I should exact revenge and leave you in a puddle of blood, sweat, and tears to die for your sins against my office.

But instead, I offer something no other wrestler offers to each other:  GRACE.

I meant what I said last week when I asked you; what would your precious Gilda say to you?  You couldn’t resolve this issue because you couldn’t surrender to your pride.  All I wanted out of you is to see your emotion firsthand.  You could have cried.  You could have yelled in my face.  You could have attempted to punch me in the face in that moment.  I intentionally egged you on to get the great Jatt Starr to show me he’s truly Simon Sparrow.  You claim to be a gentleman and a scholar.  Yet you continuously degrade MY career when you have the chance.

You constantly harangue me with any word you get to speak.  You bury all the hard work I put into this machine YOU built up before me.  As someone I respect, you’re pissing me the fuck off.  This petty squabble is wasting valuable time.  Time we could be saving HOW from other serial killers on our pay roll.  People who could do MORE HARM to this world.  Just like your daughter’s killer.  We employ an HOTv Champion who lusts after people’s pain and suffering.  He doesn’t give two shits about our families.  Families we both love, serve, and represent to our hearts content.  Unlike JJR, we play by the damn rules, and we don’t lose our shit over barbaric desires.

So, you have one LAST chance to rectify this situation like a gentleman, Jatt. You’ve got until February 27th to meet me in my office and negotiate the terms of a peace treaty like gentleman would do.  Together, our collective would destroy JJR and effectively end his HOTv Championship reign.  We could liberate HOW and mold it in OUR images.

But if you FAIL to agree and work these terms out, Jatt.  You’re the prime target.  I will hunt you with unrelenting bloodlust.  I will make what happened between Xander Azula and I look like child’s play.  You’re taking food out of my family’s mouths.  You’re threatening my business.  You’re ruining my focus from my prime objective of winning singles gold.

If you want to continue down this path; I’ll have to end you career and follow through on my INITIAL comments.  I don’t want to do that because I possess a lot of respect for you, Jatt Sparrow.  You’re someone who makes HOW a better place.

So it’s your last chance.  After this, I’m done being a gentleman.   I’m done being respectable.  I’m done showing you compassion.  The choice is in your hands, Jatthew Starrman.  Come to my office and rectify our problems, or face my wrath.  I don’t need a feeble apology like you.  Nor will I beg for it for weeks.  We can sit down like men or we can FIGHT like men.



Mr. Darin Adam Zion

Self-Proclaimed CFO of High Octane Wrestling”