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After celebrating his championship win over lots of different players in a Smash Bros. tournament by sharing an order of Cheetos and Kool-Aid with the Elder Scrolls, answering sixty-nine congratulatory discord DMs and pretending to enjoy Steve Harrison matches, “The Vintage” Conor Fuse has decided to share his thoughts and intentions as HOW World Champion (again).

  • “Vintage” Conor Fuse is declaring this Sunday, January 23rd as the first National Gamer Stuff Day* with a celebration live from not his hometown of Madison Square Garden, NYC (but it’s kinda close to Toronto so that’ll still do).
  • “Vintage” Conor Fuse will continue to increase the strength of his cardiovascular training, acrobatic abilities and unlimited mojo jojo by playing countless races in Mario Kart to prepare for the next challenger to the #97MarioRed.
  • As champion, “Vintage” Conor Fuse will welcome all other challengers as HOW sees fit but please GOD of HOW, don’t make him fight Jeffrey James Roberts again because he’s really fucking scary.
  • After finally seeing Spiderman: No Way Home, “Vintage” Conor Fuse is totally cool with multiverses and wrestling the old school God complex iteration of Mike Best from Angelfire Wrestling, a female Farthington from a different planet or even a hybrid combination of two of Conor’s favourite HOW wrestlers, Lindsay Solex.
  • With the bonus payment that comes with winning the HOW World Championship, “Vintage” Conor Fuse will trade in his Secretlab OMEGA Stealth 2020 Series Gaming Chair for a Nordic Game Supply HyperX Blast Core Gaming Chair (Ergonomic, Faux Leather Upholstery, Red-Black PC Racing Tilt Foam Armrests). Bold, we know.
  • “Vintage” Conor Fuse will continue to search for Where in the World did Sutler Reynolds-Kael go because he was a vital part of his Rogues’ Gallery and you can’t go missing pieces like that, it’s just not cool for the story.
  • “Vintage” Conor Fuse would like to send a genuine and heartfelt thank you to the many Gamers, Gamettes and Elders that never gave up on him, even when he gave them every reason to. They’ve helped him accomplish more than he could’ve ever dreamt.

If you would like to hear more of “Vintage” Conor Fuse’s thoughts on his recent championship win, tune in this weekend because he really won’t be around on the discords right now he has shit to do, like fly back from the UK for starters. It gets super dark here so fast. By 3:30pm it’s pitchblack, talk about depressing. Also get him out of Edinburgh. He was staying there for this entire UK tour but he doesn’t enjoy it anymore. It rains like all the time in Edinburgh, who in their right mind would live here year round, particularly since he’s Canadian to begin with. Conor misses maple syrup and hockey. His favourite hockey team, the Toronto Maple Leafs are doing really well ATM but they will no doubt lose in the playoffs again. No doubt.** They haven’t won a playoff series since 2004. Conor was like 8-bit at that time, he didn’t even follow sports. Barely watched wrestling let’s be honest. Anyway so yeah, Conor has to fly back to Chicagoland. Catch a Bull game or something. Lol the Chicago Bears suck. Conor lost his fantasy football championship game to some silly clown who thought AnAlYtIcS were the way to go but I guess they were because Conor lost. Anyway, Conor is gonna go play some Mario Kart 8 now. He is JACKED about the rumors of Mario Kart 9 but knows it’s Nintendo so don’t get your hopes up.

*pending approval from the National Day Archives, which I really doubt is happening because they’ve been ghosting all of Conor’s emails. Totally not cool.

**“Vintage” Conor Fuse sends his condolences to Clay Byrd’s daLLas Cowboys for eating another playoff L. Gotta be tough to wear that cowboy hat all day long. Cowboys: Shit. Gamer Stuff 4life.