It’s the news posting you’ve all been waiting for! Step aside Scott Stevens because we here at the Dearness Living Community are PUMPED for ICONIC (which BTW comes to you this Sunday and Monday only on pay-per-view)! All year the Elders have submitted perfect PPV predictions (except when Conor loses). Just because our picks come out after the shows doesn’t mean we cheated.
This time we are releasing our picks early! Let’s break down the card!
Ladder Match
#RallyZion vs. 11:59 vs. Sad He Broke Up With Some Bimbo vs. Let Me Out Azula
Let’s tell it like it is, whether you like it or not Zion’s had a good year. He’s come close many times and he’s more grounded with his head in the game than the other three. Noble needs to suck it up, anxiety wasn’t a thing back in our day. Get over it son. Hollywood, if you have to ask what you’re fighting for you’ve already lost, my child. Azula, Conor enjoyed your comments about multitudes, worlds, galaxies and universes. He hasn’t seen Spiderman yet but give him a call when you get the chance.
Elders pick: #RallyZion
Match 7 of Gentlemens Agreement
Fun Bobby vs. Sexy Steve Solex
“Fuck a dead sheep Bobby! I hope you rot in fucking hell you shitbag waste of human flesh! Steve Solex is a SEXY fucking beast of a man! I’d lay down for him 4 times in a row! Yum yum teach me some lessons Steven!” – Margo (The views and opinions expressed by Margo do not necessarily reflect the beliefs and viewpoints of the Elder Scrolls. Thoughts and opinions are Margo’s own.)
Elders pick: Still, we are choosing Steve Solex by submission
Mario Mario vs. Conor’s BFF
That shirt is so vintage, Bobbi. You’re #1 on our list of importance! We like Mario, too. Hope he brings some power-up mushrooms with him or maybe a frog suit ’cause u gonna have to swim in Bobbi’s waters LOL. This one’s a close call. We love the colour magenta, not digging the purple as much, it’s not in shades of SNES. FASHION shopping spree after your big victory, girl. We’re talking hair, nails, lashes followed by Conor showing you his huge Funko Pop! collection. (This doesn’t have a hidden message. The boy has every Funko Pop! imaginable.)
Elders pick: Conor’s BFF
LSD Championship Match
The Blob vs. Eric Braeden (C)
Elders feel for Sektor and Ellis. Like him or hate him, Sektor’s been arguably the best champion in HOW for all of 2021. He’s a sound ring technician showing absolutely no signs of slowing down. We think he puts on a clinic here but Dickinson has nothing to lose! Is this a mistake by Sektor? Did he get sucked into a trap? We don’t think so but anything at ICONIC is possible. We have to think Dickinson has a plan. He has to, right? Can enough independent wrestling get you ready for the top wrestling company in the world? Keep in mind this isn’t a TV program, it’s ICONIC. (See, some Elders are capable of actually giving a real review.)
Elders pick: Eric Braeden
World Championship Match
Jace Peter Parker Davidson vs. Put the Lotion in the Basket vs. Everybody Loves Conor vs. Grandpa Starr vs. Anxious (Barely a) Millennial Cowboy vs. Guy With Cool Theme Music vs. An American Dragon on Steroids (C)
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Elders pick: Goes without saying
Well that about wraps it up for the Elders. We hope you enjoyed this preview. No really. We hope you enjoyed it. DID YOU ENJOY THE PREVIEW?
Huh? What’s that? I’m sorry you’re going to have to speak up son.
We’re going to bed now. See you on Sunday!