Cracking News: ICONIC Edition

Hello there and season’s greetings from CNN! Welcome to our ICONIC preview! It’s okay to keep standing, we love you to! Let us begin!

A quick reminder that ICONIC comes to you live from the O2 Arena in foggy London town on December 26th! Tickets are still available as of this writing, but with some of the mishigas to follow it would be in your best interest to secure one while you can!

ICONIC

High Octane Wrestling’s biggest, baldest, BEST, and this year least cool show. It is grandiose. It is memorable. Stars will be born. Lady Gaga is doing the anthem. Legends will rise, or continue to grow. Boys will become men. Men will hopefully stay men(Zion). It is the end all, be all. If you’re not, then yes, you have missed out. All of that said, let’s take a look at the star studded card, starting with the Ladder Match.

Zarin Dion vs Brian the Brain Hollywood vs Salad Face vs Never Heard of Him

Four men will compete for ICONIC Glory and attempt to scale the ladder of High Octane Wrestling. Two of the four competitors go back so far one could say they knew each other when they were in the womb. Will Darin and Brain be able to put the past behind them and work together? Time will tell. Will they blindly lose sight of the prize because they see red? Time will tell. Will Xander finally take the next step, and move not only him, but his loyal band of disciples up on the card? I don’t know, he’s done some pretty cool things in the past– can he do it again? And lastly, David Noble. Beat Cancer and then maybe you’ll get a rub. Though, with a name like that we’re sure greatness is sure to follow.

Bobby Dean vs Steefin Solex

(Final, Decisive, Match 7 of Gentlemen’s Agreement)

These two men have competed in six games of leisure, and now a winner must be declared! Rumors are swirling about the possible stipulations surrounding the final match. One report coming out of the locker room was Bobby and Stee were going to shock the world and have an actual, run of the mill wrestling match. Another report emanating from the forgotten bowels of the USS Octane was that they would dumb it down even further and play a game of rock, paper, scissors. Whatever the two decide, needless to say this has SHOW STEALER written all over it.

Mario Maurako vs Bobbinette Carey

Old lovers collide in what is sure to be no pillow fight! On the one hand you have a woman scorned. A former all world Tag Team Champion. The best segment on the show. Then, on the other hand there is Bobbinette. Pretty in pink. No games played. Ready to slap the gender out of one’s mouth. Both are in the Hall of Fame. Both know each other inside and out, and that’s not innuendo either! Will there be blood? Depends on the cycle I suppose. Will they shake hands at the end? Maybe that kiss goodbye? Tune in to find out!

John Sektor vs Dirty Bill Dick’s son

LSD Championship

The first of two Championship matches on the card see’s the dominant LSD Champion and super fantastic wrestling machine, John Sektor, defending his title, dignity, honor, and claim to 97red blood against an outsider. Their feud has stretched over the gates of High Octane, spanning two federations. Now, it all comes to a head at the biggest show of the year. Will DBDS leave with High Octane gold? Will he return home with the blood and guts of High Octane Wrestling’s Championship body? Could you imagine how many times Lee Best would roll around in his unmarked grave if that were to happen? I can’t, and because of that– John, don’t lose. 

As(s)cot Farthington vs Jay Jay Are vs Cowboy Clay vs Snow White Starr vs Comet Fews vs Firewalker Davidson vs RPS

WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP

MAIN EVENT

It is the BIGGEST match of the year. It is for the GREATEST prize in all of the wrestling land. You join High Octane Wrestling to be in this match, and this match alone.

ICONIC. MAIN EVENT. WORLD TITLE. 

FULL STOP.

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Editor’s Note: In a positive effort to seem like we do in fact respect and admire the contestants in this year’s main event, the following:

Will Mike continue to do what he does best? Will Clay show signs of rust having not competed since what seems like forever ago? Will Jace burn the house down? Figuratively. Will boy wonder, Conor Fuse, reclaim what was lost? Will JJR’s forehead fix itself mid match? Does Jatt Starr have any chance now that Lee Best is dead? And what of Rogue One, Cecilworth Farthington, High Octane’s new hitman on the block? What will he do when faced with the ultimate decision?

TUNE IN. 

FIND OUT WHO RULES THE ROOST.