A Message From Your Champion

The following statement has been submitted to HOWrestling.com via the HOW World Champion, Michael Lee Best. This statement is aired unabridged, and does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of High Octane Wrestling or its staff:

“Hey douchebags,

Michael Lee Best here, High Octane Hall of Famer, Son of God, and the only ten-time HOW World Champion in history. I wanted to drop you a line via news post today, since it can be hard to organize meetings with half the roster being forced to work indy shows or sell shoes at the local mall just to pay their rent every month. How is everyone’s week going? I’m doing great– two nights ago, I successfully defended the HOW World Championship, and now I only have nine more defenses to break the record for most in a single defense. I wonder who holds that record… hmmm… oh right, it’s me, since I hold literally every HOW World Title record.

Anyway, I’ll be spending most of the day watching old episodes of The Crystal Maze with Cecilworth, but I just wanted to publicly give my condolences on Scott Woodson for what is undoubtedly the single hardest loss of his career. After being the first and only person to EVER kick out of my finishing maneuver… something I am in no way upset over… Scotty was mere inches from winning the HOW World Championship when he was brutally, savagely, and possibly unethically attacked by what appeared to be a Macy’s Day Parade float of Morty the Mortician. The absolute betrayal— it sickens to me to imagine Cecilworth or I ever turning on one another, and I am sincerely sorry for what happened to you Scotty. Make no mistake, I am not granting you a rematch and I absolutely successfully defended my title but like… man, what a bummer. Sorry about your luck, challenge her to a Battledome match for sure.

Anyway.

I know that there was a minute there that everyone was concerned about a Scottywood win potentially endangering the ICONIC main event. While I was of course 100% confident that I would retain the title, I would never want to worry anyone over the status of literally the most anticipated match of all time. For that reason, I have decided that barring and act of GOD HIMSELF, I am hereby refusing to defend the HOW World Championship until ICONIC. The financial disaster alone of losing out on Cecilworth Farthington vs. Michael Lee Best at our premier pay-per-view is simply not worth the risk.

Happy Thanksgiving, babies and morons. This year, I’m thankful I’m not spending it with any of you.

Regards,

Your HOW World Champion

Michael Lee Best”