ELDER SCROLLS #5

Memoirs from
THE ELDER SCROLLS

Isaac, 94
Dearness Living Community
Intern

Dear Sutler Reynolds-Kael,

First and foremost, Theodore is no dirty liar, therefore, cannot say you are the better man. Furthermore, he states he only lays down for women. He’s quoted as saying:

“I only lay down for women. Maybe if it was Mina-Starr, I’d consider. She’s kinda hot in a dimly lit bar kind of way. I don’t care if she is the reincarnation of Max Kael slash The Minister. I said what I said. It’s not gay. Right?”

Moreover, how dare you impose time restrictions on anyone. Be happy the world is paying attention to you. The moment you aren’t World Champion anymore, you’ll fade away forever. Usually the top of the mountain is achieved during the middle stages of one’s career. You will have a very trying period after you lose this weekend.

The Elders would be proud to see Conor Fuse challenge friend and co-op partner Mr. Theodore Palmer for the High Octane World Championship at Bottomline. We doubt you’ll be invited when all is said and done.

Lastly, Theodore will not adhere to your ridiculous deadline. He might consider rebutting you by 12:09 PM, GST, July 21st, 2021. Then again, he might not. He is quoted as saying:

“I am a piece of shit. That’s not up for debate.”

It should be noted all quotes were taken prior to the knowledge of Mina-Starr’s possible demise. When reaching out for a quote on the breaking news, Theodore offered his condolences.

“I offer my condolences. She was kinda hot. Still not gay.”

Life should be cherished, Sutler. If Theodore takes more than 24-hours to respond to you it should be celebrated, not scolded. Mr. Palmer is so full of life right now and celebrating in its richest form. If only you could follow his lead.

Good day to you, Sutler. Please enjoy time with your family. They care so deeply about you.

-Isaac

Current Rankings