HR releases statement about Pain Cult.
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HR releases statement about Pain Cult.


Best Arena Storage Room B Human Resources Suite 97

Chicago, Illinois



Following his announcement as part of this years War Games, President of Human Resources, Sutler Reynolds-Kael, the Son of Scions, has released this statement!


“As many of you know I have recently been enlisted by the cyclopean streetsweeper, Lee Best, Chicago’s Best Blind Grandfather, to his War Games team. After watching last night’s broadcast I think we can all agree the Best Alliance has changed. Like, a lot. You could even make the joke that this is the lamest, silliest, objectively bubblefucked Best Alliance since cumurderer Eric Dane oogled an overpriced steak. There, I did it for you.

But I’m not here to dredge up the past anymore than I already have. Whatever weird Pain Cult the Best Alliance has become I’m not here to openly judge on a publicly released memo, I’ll probably do it on a private discord later. Instead I want to focus a positive from last night. The Slate Eagle, Clay Byrd, stepped up to the plate and swung for the fences! It would have been real nice if Concrete Woodpecker could have knocked Teddy off the #1 position but he sank like a Stone Duck.

Still, kudos to Steve Harrison for sending hand job euphemism, LSD Champion and STILL #1 ranked wrestler Teddy Palmer to the dark depths. Even when getting murdered this dude refuses to job, WHAT A PRICK!


We fished Rock Flyer out of the bay and Lee’s been singing him “Wind Beneath My Wings” for a few hours. I offered to leave him in a tub of rice over night and see if he restarts in the morning after the dry rice wicks out the excessive moisture but I guess he’s from Texas. Best of luck on your recovery, Slate Falcon.

The rest of you Best Alliance hacks, please get your shit together before Lee realizes he personally bankrolled the eGG Bandit reunion.


Also a reminder for whoever left the bagel trap with the whipped Cream Cheese in the break room please note only the Devil uses whipped Cream Cheese. So unless you want to catch Satan, stop supplying it.

Thank you!





…congratulations to Darin Zion. DON’T make this a thing.