Lee Best Funeral Arrangements
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Lee Best Funeral Arrangements

After the tragic but incredibly timely death of Lee Best at the hands of “Big Hulk” Dan Ryan at the end of this weeks’ Refueled entertainment spectacular, it is our duty here at AITCH OH WRESTLING DOT COM to give you, the fans, the information you require to mourn the loss as appropriate. On Saturday 1st May, many will pay tribute to the man who was once described by Time Magazine as “Bald”. That’s all they said. We want to make sure you all know the deets and deets you shall have.

14:15 CST

The Best Alliance Jazz Band and Mime Troop will be lined up upon the Best Arena glass, a sad trombone will play for twenty minutes. It will be very respectful.

14:2o CST

Members of The Best Alliance who have recently lost Refueled matches (so, like, most of them) will proceed directly to The Best Arena while being hurled with rotten tomatoes by the mourners lining the street. Lee Best’s express wishes were that he didn’t want the taint of loser to stink up his funeral procession.

14:40 CST

Coffin will leave Lee Best’s Bat Cave where he watched everyone’s shower footage. It shall be placed in a converted pick up truck that Clay Byrd got on discount from the local Arkansas rest stop. His surviving child Michael Lee Best will slam the back of the truck shut and utter the ceremonial statement “that’ll do ‘er”

14:45 CST

Members of the funeral procession, led by Golden Child Michael Lee Best and HR Savant and Loving Grandchild Sutler Reynolds-Kael will leave the Bat Cave and assume their positions. They will march towards The Best Arena led by one man on a unicycle playing “Danny Boy” on the bagpipes. There will be one Gogo Dancer in the rear, as per Mr. Best’s instructions, to bring a little joy to the sad children of Chicago.

15:50 CST

A minutes silence will be held Chicago wide, it will not be observed.

15:51 CST

The funeral service will begin with members of the Best Alliance standing on the entrance ramp, passing the microphone back and forth for what may seem like an eternity but will only be five minutes. Jatt Starr will say the word “fopdoodles” as a tribute to Lee, because Lee loved comedy.

Upon completion of the Best Alliance tribute, everyone will be upstanding for a final playing of “Undead” by Hollywood Undead as Lee Best’s coffin slowly sinks into the slurry pit that was part of the arena’s remodelling plans. Michael Lee Best will complete his sonly duty by backing up a truck of concrete on top of the coffin, ensuring that he may never rise again.

Mourners will leave The Best Arena to “Baby Elephant Walk” as Bobby Dean wonders where the wake buffet is.