Cracking News

Refueled 51 Edition.

He came. He saw. He hung in there.

He did.

He really, really did.

BUT.

::::Jatt Starr’s reign of terror continued, and Robert Dean’s quest to become a two time LSD Champion came up just short. It was a brutal, grueling, last second rule change of a main event, and no one will dare say that The Beautiful Man from Honalee didn’t leave it all out there. Yes, Bob sure did give it the proverbial college try against a tickled opponent, and though he ultimately found defeat he also found something inside of himself he thought to be long lost. No, it wasn’t his belly button, or that missing masseuse from Quiy Neys.

It was AMBITION.

Again, not the masseuse, but the drive to become more than a blimp on the screen. Now though, having fallen short of his lofty aspirations, one has to wonder what is to become of Bob’s newly found friend? Will it continue to push him forward despite chronic, repeated failure? Or, will it be snuffed out like Scottywood’s dream of facing Mike Best in the Denucci Cup finals? Time will tell. We here at the Cracking News Network wish nothing but the best for Robert Dean, and hope he continues to keep his nose to the grind despite it being completely cut from off his face.

Other notes:

-No word on whether or not those were Jiles’ actual pair of T-Shades he was going to give Bobby Dean. In related Jiles news, he was seen partying in Las Vegas after cashing a huge ticket. The bet in question was placed for Refueled 51 and did not involve the Denucci Cup.

-Zeb Martin said he plans to pick Lucian Saintangel if he’s victorious against Job Sektor on Refueled 52.

-Teddy Palmer went and got himself marked for his actions on Refueled 51. No, not for defeating Scottywood by accidental asphyxiation, but for kissing the camera during an intrepid, bamboozling backstage segment. The story goes that young Ted woke up the morning after the show with a set of fever blisters that were so bad one source close to Maui Palmer claimed, “It looked as if he(Ted) had gone to Mexico to receive affordable Botox injections. Thank god for surfboard wax, though. Cleared it right up. Still, I’m sure he will never do something as stupid as that ever again. I’d promise it, but that might be underselling it.”

-Dorn got out in front of it, and GOD speed to Devin Desean. We here at the Cracking News Network speculate RING doorbells everywhere are smiling knowing that the pretty boy’s face will once again be gracing their cameras. Best of luck to the man of many hats in ALL of his future endeavors.

-Sutler Kael remains undefeated champion of the world. Some might say it is due to a technicality, but we here at the Network say those who question the validity of Sutler’s claim didn’t know who his father was.

-Steve Solex scored 300 in a bowling game once. Subsequently, that was also his score for the SAT.

-Lindsay Troy continues to wow with her new perm. One day the formerly hotly pursued eGG Queen will reunite all of the Bandits, both the living and the dead, and it will be the most glorious of occult occasions. Sadly, it would seem that day looms far on the horizon– sandwiched between Bobby Dean’s next win and Steve Harrison becoming relevant again.