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Someone reading this: Didn’t Mike Best use a similar title like this against you?
Me: Yes but I’m aware of my own puns. He just beat me to it. They don’t call EA Mike the Ultimate Boss for no reason…

Anyway, that’s besides the point.

HELLO dear gamer, play any cool retro stuff lately? I’ve been getting into EarthBound, it’s a blast! But I’m not here to talk to you about that, either. I’m here to put out a press release about my confusion around Sutler of Catan’s use of Time Travel Technology (TTT™). As your REAL HOW Power-Up King, I cannot and will not condone the use of such a bogus tool. In fact, I doubt it even works! Go ahead Sutler, show me it DOES work. Can you bring Max back with it?


Okay but honestly, here’s a true list of power-ups for the High Octane system. I checked with Big Boss and he said these were approved for use by anyone, even Jatt Moto!*

Mushrooms – legal
Potted Fire Flower – it’s really just a sunflower spray painted red
Dead Racoon – sure, laugh it up… go ahead and throw a dead racoon at someone and see if they like it
Frog Suit – used for frog splashes
P Wing – ask Cancer aka Dr. EGGman, pretty sure he has a big one
Silver Paint – for HOFC, that got me far LOL

But here’s the LeGiT power-up, Sutler. Perhaps this is what you MEANT to say?

Time Travel Technology (TTT™)

Warp Whistle.

With Warp Whistle Mechanics (WWM®) you can go backwards, forwards, store it in your pocket for later. Whatever you want, dude. Warp Whistles are the ultimate power-up!

I hear there’s a multiplayer Smash Bros. pay-per-view in the near future. I’d be happy to show you how to use one if you can get past that giant BOT in NYC. Perhaps I can shove it where the sun don’t shine! Hahaha, dude, I’m hilarious.

Or we could have a Warp Whistle on a pole match some day.

Or we could co-op. I need a new hero to look up to after High Flyer hurt my feelings. 🙁

Anyway Sutler of Catan, I enjoy the games you make and I’ll see you around. Just toss out that DATED technology and start using the good stuff. WWM® FTW!

*Big Boss may not have said this.