Hi there, this is Jack Dawson, with HOWrestling.com. I recently sat down for an interview with one of HOW’s returning stars, The Sunshine God himself. RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
The scene opens up to crystal clear waters along a white, sandy shore……this can’t be Between the Ropes can it? But it is as a Caribbean remix of the Between the Ropes theme song hits, and we see Jack Dawson wearing cargo shorts and Hawaiian shirt with a single line of sunscreen on his nose while sitting behind a tiki bar waiting to kick things off.
Jack Dawson: Welcome to the first on location edition of Between the Ropes and I am your host, Jack Dawson!
The studio audience sits at tables in the tiki bar cheering loudly.
Jack Dawson: That’s right ladies and gentlemen, we are here at the Bali Hai Tiki Bar located on Shelter Island in sunny San Diego, California as requested by our special guest here tonight.
Jack Dawson: That’s right, and I’m sure we are all wondering what the Paragon of Shininess has been up to as of late.
A smirk forms over the face of Jack.
Jack Dawson: Let’s cut to the chase and bring out this week’s special guest is none other than returning HOW star, RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
A small spotlight illuminates the wooden walkway with a splendid view of the downtown San Diego skyline where a group of former Arizona State sorority sisters make their way down taking selfies of themselves with their cell phones and then texting to their Twitter, Tik Tok, and other social media accounts.
The sisters are joined by the former Barbie-Q- now known as Sports Entertainment Barbie. Barbie. Barbie’s more ‘dolled up’ more than usual and rolls her eyes at the antics of the ex-ASU sorority sisters.
Then finally, two large, hulking men carry a golden sedan chair holding a six foot eight inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes into the tiki bar.
The procession stops at the tables and Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair. He takes in the acclamation from the crowd and joins Dawson.
Jack Dawson: Welcome to the show Mr. RAH! How are you doing this fine day?
Rah: Rah is fine.
Jack Dawson: And your entourage.
Barbie shimmies, purses her lips covered in bright red lipstick, and otherwise poses for the camera.
Rah: Yes, Rah most definitely approves of Sports Entertainment Barbie.
In the background, the ex-ASU sorority sisters continue to make obnoxious faces, duck face expressions, and take continuous selfies.
Rah (less enthusiastically): And they’re okay too.
Jack Dawson: I think you broke the HOW website when the news of you returning to compete as it was the most read articles of the week.
Rah: Rah is not surprised.
Jack Dawson: Why is that?
Rah points to himself and then spreads his arms wide.
Jack Dawson: Oh. Right. RAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Again, the audience applauds.
Jack Dawson: Now, everyone wants to know…why have you returned? I know you mentioned bringing sunshine because people aren’t getting along at last weekend’s Refueled show, but why now? Why not last year or when HOW reopened in 2019?
Rah: As Rah stated on Refueled the other night, these are tough times. It appears people are not very happy with each other right now and the world could use a little sunshine. What better person in this world is there than Rah to provide a little sunshine into people’s mundane and tedious existence?
Jack Dawson: You’ve been competing in High Octane Wrestling for a long time haven’t you?
Rah: Rah debuted in July 2010 against Bobbinette Carey. Unfortunately, she booted Rah in the royal jewels when Rah attempted to recruit her for Rah’s entourage after the match.
Jack Dawson: That’s right! I remember that. In fact, we’ve got a film clip of that incident.
Rah seems surprised.
Rah: You do???
Jack Dawson: Yes! Courtesy of HOTv, here it is!
(FLASHBACK: Monday Night Mayhem- July 26th, 2010)
Back live and we see Rah, Happy Mango, Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, Announcer Guy- Guy Parker, Lisa the Disgruntled Grocery Clerk and the Coppertone Bikini Girl Tanning Team celebrated backstage Rah’s first ever victory in High Octane Wrestling.
Rah: You have no idea how happy this makes Rah. Rah feels like…like…
Rah spots Bobbinette Carey across the way walking back toward her dressing room.
Rah: …Followers, stay here. Rah shall return shortly.
Rah strides confidently over to the HOW Hall of Famer who looks less than pleased to see him.
Rah: Bobbinette Carey. Rah did not wish to wrestle you. Rah only wishes to spread warmth and sunshine throughout the world. Join me. Bow before me and become one of my followers. Come with us and travel all around the world. Become one of myOOF-
Bobbinette walks away from Rah after delivering a devastating kick to Rah’s crown jewels.
Rah (high pitched voice): Mommy…
Rah falls over and holds his groin.
The entourage snaps into action.
Happy Mango (shouts): Sunshine God One is down. I repeat, Sunshine God One is down.
Rah appears less than thrilled to see the incident on video.
Rah: Erm…yes, Rah wrestled in HOW until 2011.
Jack Dawson: Not many people on the active roster currently from 2010-2011 is there?
Rah: Scottywood. Mike Best. Hmmm, Jatt Starr. Chris Kostoff. And Rah believes Black Mamba was around back then.
Jack Dawson: Before we get into why you’re back here in High Octane Wrestling, give the fans who might not know you a little bit of information about yourself. What companies have you wrestled in? What are some of your biggest accomplishments? Being a long time veteran of this industry I’m sure you have lots of war stories.
Rah: That is true. Rah won two tag team titles with Halitosis in Missouri Valley Wrestling before Halitosis came to HOW. Rah also held MVW’s Heartland title twice. Rah has traveled to many places over the past ten years. PCW. MVW. Several small independent companies.
Jack Dawson: Biggest matches? Etc.
Rah: Rah’s biggest match? Defeating ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-5.1 in the only real feud Rah ever had with someone.
Jack Dawson: And isn’t it true that your last HOW loss was to Max Kael?
Rah: That’s correct. Rah also came back to make three appearances in HOW in 2015.
Jack Dawson: That’s right. Do you remember this film clip from 2015?
(FLASHBACK: Monday Night Mayhem-November 15th, 2015)
**Taped Earlier Tonight**
The Best Arena Parking Lot
“WHAT THE FUCK?”
The back door whips open and Lee Best emerges from inside his limousine.
Staring incredulously at Rah’s bus, parked in his personal parking space, the camera zooms in closer as Lee’s face turns bright red with anger and contorts (Think William Shatner in “Star Trek-Wrath of Khan” when Khan tells Kirk he’s stranding him on Regula I).
Lee raises his clenched fists into the air, and cries out…
Lee Best: RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Rah: Rah can explain. Rah did not realize there was assigned parking at the Best Arena.
Jack Dawson: Being a veteran of this industry I’m sure you have a lot of stories to tell.
Jack Dawson: I don’t think anyone’s aware that you also wrestled a couple shows in Japan.
Rah: Yes. Rah did a couple shows in Japan.
Rah gives off the impression that he really doesn’t want to talk about his time in Japan.
Jack Dawson: Well, as luck would have it, we were able to find some footage of Rah’s Japan excursion.
Rah seems surprised at this development.
Jack Dawson: Let’s take a look.
Rah tries to wave off going to the footage.
Rah: That’s not necessary. Rah doesn’t need to see-
(HIGHLIGHTS: Rah’s Japanese Adventure)
After Rah does his full introduction with Sports Entertainment Barbie and the ex-ASU selfie-taking sorority sisters, he seems rather surprised to see his opponent…
A man dressed in a ten foot tall panda outfit.
-The giant panda lifts Rah up off the ground and slams him to the mat.
-The giant panda attempts to splash Rah in the corner- Rah moves, spins around and dropkicks him from behind. Giant panda no-sells and backhands Rah, sending him flying across the ring.
-Rah finally gets pissed off and tries to choke the giant panda out.
-Now on the offensive and standing on the top turnbuckle, Rah’s about to go for a senton. Much to Rah’s dismay, a female giant panda comes out and hustles down to the ring (as fast as someone in a giant panda costume can) while Rah mouths incredulously ‘why?’.
-The female panda headbutts Rah and the Sunshine God falls off the turnbuckle, bounces off the apron, and lands on the floor.
-With one panda holding Rah, the female panda squashes him between the two giant pandas. Staggering around the ring, Rah wonders why the hell did he come to Japan in the first place.
-Rah tries to leave but the female giant panda throws him back into the ring where the male giant panda does the Hulk Hogan big leg drop spot.
-And then the ultimate indignity, the giant panda rock bottoms Rah.
Rah sheepishly shakes his head as if he’s tried to block the entire episode out of his mind.
Jack Dawson: Okay, you mentioned earlier Missouri Valley Wrestling which is a wrestling promotion affiliated with HOTV and that promotion has given us many familiar faces through the last decade, Dawn McGill, Ray MacAvay, and others, but none more recent that your former tag partner, Halitosis, also known as, “Ordinary Joe” Joe Bergman.
Rah: More importantly, there are no giant wrestling pandas in MVW.
Jack Dawson: Right. So how is Joe doing? Last we saw him he was leaving ICONIC victorious over Steve Solex, and nothing has been heard since. Will he be returning to HOW in the near future?
Rah: As you know, Joe had major surgery late last summer and his return at ICONIC was a one-off appearance. Joe’s working full time at MVW with his wife Laura who is MVW’s Chief Business Officer and he’s training up and coming wrestlers.
Jack Dawson: Glad to hear he is doing well after his surgery and passing down his vast experience to the next generation. Now, with the DeNucci Cup taking place a lot of HOW faithful have to be wondering why the Lightbringer of Justice didn’t throw his hat into the tournament.
Rah: While Michael DeNucci was in HOW when Rah started in HOW and Rah has a deep appreciation for his career, HOFC is not Rah’s thing.
Jack Dawson: Fair enough. Now that you’ve returned to HOW, is there anyone in particular you are looking at to compete against? Is there anyone looking to catch the Eye of RAH! If you know what I mean?
Rah: Rah looks forward to competing against the best of the best- as long as they’re not giant wrestling pandas.
Jack Dawson: I see…….what about baby calves?
Rah pulls down his sunglasses and peers over them at Dawson causing him to become uncomfortable.
Jack Dawson: Well then, I’d like to thank our guest for coming onto the show and welcome back to HOW.
Rah: You are most welcome.