CRACKING NEWS

No Remorse is in the books.

Top to bottom, what a show it was. Eyes were lost. Buildings crumbled. Parking lots were sullied. Squish got squashed. The inmate proved home field still means something.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY.

They came. They saw. They conquered.

Vindicated. Redeemed. WHOLE.

THE EGG BANDITS ARE ONCE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD.

In an exclusive post match interview with 97red Magazine, Jiles had this to say.

In regard to the journey:

“It was long, transcendent, painful, and WE experienced loss on a grand scale both inside and outside of the ring. Facts are facts. The Bruvs really did a number on us these past couple months. Kidnap, murder, cheating, assault– they got inside our shell and tried cracking it from its yolky center. Shame they didn’t know that with every egregious slight and devious act of aggression they were really hardening it and trapping themselves inside.”

In regard to freebirding:

“It’s been a team effort since day one, and will continue to be. We’ve all been loyal to the cause. We’ve all sacrificed to get here. We’ve all been determined in regard to the work. We’re all Champions. Don’t like it? We don’t care.”

In regard to even RICK?

“Oui.”

On being a double champion:

“My violin has never played harder. However, I still have symphonies to sow, and more riches to win.”

On the effects of Miracle Water:

“Never heard of it.”

In regard to what is next for the eGG Bandits:

“Pizza with egg on it, and lot’s of oregano.”

—

Other HOW notes:

The status of Max Shell remains unknown.

Lee Best still doesn’t know if he won or lost.

Chris Kostoff was rumored to be erect when stabbing Lee Best in the eye. So hard, some pundits pondered if he actually did Lee a favor by not using his penis.

The state of Florida suffered a cocaine shortage in the hours following the conclusion of the World Title match.

Dan Ryan was said to be mum about holding what in years past would never be considered a third tier title belt.

Eric Dane was referring to himself as the Onlystar while being looked at by medical staff after his parking lot scrum with Lindsay Troy.

Scottywood was among the candidates to step in and fill the role of Lee’s new eyes. He was then told reading would be among his day to day duties and politely declined.

Erin Gordon looks to break out against High Octane newcomer, Steve Harrison.

Scott Stevens demanded his match against Conner Fuse be a Gamshark on a Pole Match. Time will tell if his demands are met.

Rumor has it Cecilworth Farthington has been locked inside a hotel room for the past 7 days wondering how Jiles was able to counter Article 50.

The nameplate on each of the tag titles will read eGG Bandit.

There are rumors of another Bandit joining their championship ranks.