World Champion Experiences Critical Trauma
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World Champion Experiences Critical Trauma

With following up on the aftermath of Refueled this week, we are unfortunately also asked to report that HOW World Champion Michael Best sustained critical trauma following last week’s main event.

After a tag team match that saw the War Games winner indulging his own ego on more than one occasion, the critical trauma experienced is said to have devastated him and cast doubt on his ability to continue down his career path.

“I’m in a lot of pain.” Best told us, via phone. “This hurts a lot, and I’m not sure how long it’s going to take me to recover. I know Murray and Dane got it pretty bad this week too, so this is just a giant loss for HOW overall in such a short time.”

The “critical trauma”, of course, is a self-described trauma related to the critical reception to his new book, “I KNEED JESUS”, which has been panned by critics as a “self indulgent attempt to trick people into buying actual garbage.” While the book is seemingly selling well, a mysterious number of purchases of the autobiography seem to be coming from Mike Best’s own mailing zip code

“Oh, injuries?” Michael clarified. “No, I’m fine there. Knee hurts a little from that hard ass head on Scott Stevens, but I’ll be okay. A little bit of ice, little bit of stretching, and then I’ll rub one out and be cool. But man, critics are mean. Really hurt my feelings. Trauma from critics, you know? Critical trauma.”

While we technically have to promise to follow up with any new information, it is very clear the the HOW World Champion is in no danger and is just being facetious.