Miracle Enterprise Presents Rebecca Hines

Rebecca Hines

Power Suit

Serious Business

Hot?

 

Hello everyone, I am here as my function of Steve Harrison’s publicist for once.

“And???”

Ahem, (rolls her eyes) I mean the undefeated Steve Harrison, the Man of Miracles, the Saint of Suplexes, The Man of the enlightening light, and a swell guy.  A swell guy?

“Well of course.”

Ugh, ok well—Steve has written some statements he would like me to read to the wrestlers and fans of HOW.

There is no truth that during the end of the Mike Best and Bobby Dean match where it seems Bobby had his Deanis bit that Steve fell off his chair backstage in laughter and bruised his ass.

(Rebecca pauses and looks down at the paper)

There is like two pages of dick jokes after this and I am not going to read it.

“damn PC police.”

Next Steve would like to mention that the eGG Bandits cracking news is shot and paid for my RT News.

(Rebecca squints)

Wait…what?

“go on.”

Comrade Loozer and his KeGGBandits cannot keep the Miracles down for long.   It is only a matter of time when Loozer, Radiation Jiles, Jeb Martin, DICK, and my new buddy Bobby ‘sack of socks’ Dean learn the true might of America and the Miracle Enterprise way.

Jack Marley’s soul was returned shortly after Refueled.  We would like to thank The Minister for the retrieval.

The Miracle Milk!

The Miracle Milk!

The Miracle Milk!

That is all.

Buy it.

“excellent, buy the Milk!”

Steve would like to send out his congrats to MJF for making a recovery from her injuries.  He would like to implore her that if she needs plastic surgery on that nose to give him a call.  Steve knows a lot of good cheap doctors.

Artie Lange is not a role model everyone.

Steve Harrison would like to openly admit to shooting Whiskey out his nose this afternoon when Andy Murray mentioned him being redundant because it would take a literal Miracle for Scott Stevens to win.

Steve ends it by believing he is safe as the only Miracle Man.

“Keep him away from me, he might get his vampire lawyers to suck my greatness.”

Don’t eat Jimmy Johns.

Don’t aspire to live in a Hotel.

Amazonians are a hard NO.

It’s the group of dont’s.

It is only a matter of time when I will have my next match and it will be GRAND.  A light shining through the delusions of the masses to burn brightly on me, I am sure everyone is looking forward to it.

“Cures for you all.”

(Sighs) Ok so this pretty much turns into an infomercial from you and I really don’t have time for this.

“FINE!”

Ok, this is over, I have two bottles of wine to drink after this nonsense.

 

Tune in next time for more Miracle Enterprise news as read by Rebecca Hines.