Cracking News

Refueled XXX is in the books.

From Doozer winning, to the COO potentially being put on the shelf…

WHAT A CRAZY NIGHT.

Darin Matthews tried, and oddly in the end so did Brian Hollywood, but nevertheless it was Doozer who stood supreme. After the match was over the Boston native was humble in victory. He even went as far as to not even mention his triumph over Holly Matthews while doing guest commentary for the main event.

As for the main event, The Maestro pulled out all the stops to ensure that his partner in yolk and shell would not be the only one to have their hand raised by the time Refueled XXX was over. Jiles cheated, swindled, bled, suffered, but ultimately survived and was able to kick his way to the head of the PTA against The Number One Dad. What a match it was, with both men giving it their all while the Bandits watched and guest commentated from ringside!

Afterwards, Scott Woodson, the COO and mastermind of HATE, hopped the guardrail with a lead pipe in his hand and rained down misery upon the Bandits. Half the crowd was in an uproar over Woodson’s egregious acts, with the other half pleading for Bobby Dean’s life. Then, like an angel from Scott Steven’s law firm, RICK, former HATE member and gigantic human being, came charging to the rescue and saved Bobby from the Pipes of Woodson’s wrath.

Luckily, none of the Bandits suffered significant injuries during the vile sneak attack.

Other Notes:

-The daughter of Eli Flair had such important things to say she decided to say them twice

-The daughter of Eli Flair had such important things to say she decided to say them twice.

-Goose fat will now be offered at the concession stands for all future HOW events.

-Despite success, Steve Harrison remains in need of a miracle.

-No update on the whereabouts of Max Shell.

-Even Scott Stevens says that 24k will no longer be defending the tag team titles under freebird rules.

-Section 214 was said to have been “choked up” after Solex’s gesture prior to the main event.

-Rumor has it the COO suffered a significant injury at the hand of his former stablemate, RICK.

-Replica CBD’s sold out in record time after the new eGG Bandit commercial aired.

-Mike Best is still talking.

-For the first time in a long time, Eric Dane reappeared on the Bandit’s Most Wanted list. There is hope an amicable agreement can be reached.