Cracking News

On the latest edition of Refueled, simply dubbed, Refueled 25: A Bandit’s Tale, Bobby Dean made his glorious return to the ring when he rescued the begotten by HATE, eGG Bandits. The circumstances surrounding his shocking return remain unknown. It has been confirmed that Bobby Dean now weighs 230 pounds, which was his playing weight from when he could see his penis without a mirror.

Also on the show, Red and Ted, 2 Man Stable, had their wrestling gear stolen. Sources deep within the shell of the Bandits have leaked that they(Bandits) may or may not have had something to do with it. That if they did, they certainly wouldn’t be sorry about it, and they also  wouldn’t be surprised if those tights wound up on a couple of inflatable dolls who comfort the corpse of a poisoned Senator.

And finally, after the brutal attack by HATE that was orchestrated by COO Scott Woodson, and Lindsay Troy voluntarily denying her rightful spot atop an eGG Throne, the eGG Bandits have decided to keep interviews open. They released the following statement, “While our bodies recover from the gross numbers of HATE, and our hearts recover from our Queen’s scornful shun, we must press forward. Interviews will remain open, however, now you must be War Games Qualified.”

Other notes: 

• -Jiles has been shitting blood since the match ended. Luckily, as he put it, there’s no damage to the hairline.
• -Sadly, The T-shades from the match had to be tossed inside a lava pit. It took twenty-eight minutes before they finally succumbed and gave the thumbs up.
• -Zeb Martin was thrilled about meeting Lindsay Troy.
• -Mario Maurako has been placed on the — DO NOT EGG — list.