On This Day in HOW History

2/4/10

The show opens with the Emperor of HOW, Max Kael, as he gives gifts to the people, creates the WWA United Nations and threatens to take Simon Sparrows parking space from him if he loses another match.

Johnny Legend defeats Static.

Simon Sparrow flexes his muscles but a lot of stuff gets denied by Mike Best, but Simon Sparrow Appreciation Night will still go on as planned next week.

Mario holds a Care-A-Thon for Bobbinette Carey. Sean Connery slaps the taste out of Jennifer Garner and Mariah Carey’s mouths before Ethan Cavanaugh enters with his pants sagging and when they hit the ground Matteo Maurako sings and dancing weirdly to pants on the ground.

Chris Kostoff defeats Ethan Cavanaug.

David Black appears to be broken as he claims Old David Black weak and New David Black strong.

the Care-A-Thon continues as Sean Connery smacks Livie Carey.

“The Headhunter” Michael DeNucci and Leon Booth don’t make it to the ring as Max has Elenore Kael tag them both with a taser gun and hauled off and Max says to GM Simon Sparrow he has two no-shows for his show.

Christopher America appears says he took a few pills and the air tastes like purple. He hypes up his HOFC championship match against Michael DeNucci and donates ten bucks to the Care-A-Thon under the alias Seymour Butts.

Simon Sparrow defeats Jimmy Kort.

The Cool Reality defeat Brothers of the Beast to retain the HOW Tag Team Championship.

The Care-A-Thon continues and Sean Connery slaps Barbara Walters.

Max Kael defeats David Black…..or was it the Old David Black or the New David Black?????

The trial of Lee Best continues with the testimony of Mario Maurako.

We return to the Cook County Courthouse for the ongoing trial of Lee Best. The last two weeks we saw Simon Sparrow & Max Kael both testify, this week you will hear the testimony of Mario Maurako. Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr. takes his seat and bangs the gavel on the podium.

Honorable Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Mr. Fitzgerald, your witness.

Fitzgerald: The State calls Mr. Mario Maurako to the stand.

Mario Maurako in a bright red suit stands up from the middle of the crowd and starts heading toward the isle ‘accidentally’ kicking the women he passes. Mario takes his seat at the witness stand and the bailiff approaches Mario with The Bible.

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?

Mario Maurako: I do… Man that’s scary. I still regret the last time I said those words.

Fitzgerald: Mr. Maurako-

Mario Maurako: You can call me Mario. My Dad is Mr. Maurako… well actually he’s Mr. King Maurako right now.

Fitzgerald: Ok then Mario. Can you confirm for the court room how exactly you know Lee Best.

Mario Maurako: Well like most people you’ve heard from he is my boss.

Fitzgerald: And how long have you worked for Mr. Best?

Mario Maurako: Well quite a while. I had a short stint with him a few years back but I’ve consistently worked for him since September of 2008.

Fitzgerald: My notes here say that you were a member of the Best Alliance is that also correct?

Mario Maurako: Kind of.

Fitzgerald: What do you mean, you either were or you weren’t.

Mario Maurako: Ok I was but that was a long time ago.

Fitzgerald: During your time in the Best Alliance did Mr. Best ever ask you to do something illegal?

Lee Best: Objection your honor!

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: I’m going to allow this one. Prosecutor get to the point please.

Mario Maurako: Well there was the time where he booked me to lose to Jeff Harris… that should’ve been illegal.

Fitzgerald: No I mean something against the law.

Mario Maurako: That isn’t against the law? Well it certainly should be.

Fitzgerald: So you mean to tell me that you never witnessed Lee Best break a any law or command that somebody else break a law?

Mario Maurako: Well he did break Man-Law when he slept with Kostoff’s wife.

Lee Best: Objection your honor. Man-Law isn’t written, therefore doesn’t apply.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Sustained.

Fitzgerald: So you mean to tell me Mario that the entire time you’ve known Lee Best you have no knowledge of his plans to ‘Bottom Line’ people, or perhaps any knowledge of his use of Besty the Cow?

Mario Maurako: Umm nope… not really. I mean you do understand that what we do is entertainment right? It’s not real. If everything we saw was real then wouldn’t we be ready to crucify Criss Angel? I mean we crucified the last man who walked on water.

Fitzgerald: But that’s just an illusion.

Mario Maurako: Exactly… and a ‘Bottom Line’ gives the illusion that someone just got stabbed in the eye with a pen.

Fitzgerald sighs loud enough for Lee to hear it sitting at his table and a smile appears on his face.

Fitzgerald: I can see that I’m not going to get anywhere with you. I have no further questions.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Your witness Mr. Best.

Lee Best: Mario, is it true that you left my Best Alliance to form your own stable in December of 2008?

Mario Maurako: Yes.

Lee Best: And did you suffer any recourse for your actions?

Mario Maurako: Outside of you booking me to fight my stable mates once or twice, no.

Lee Best: And I even let you take the Stable Titles with you when you left didn’t I?

Mario Maurako: Well yes, but I maintain that I earned them.

Lee Best: Whatever. So you can sit here today in front of all these people and claim that you are 100% unbiased?

Mario Maurako: Yes I can. You haven’t given me anything that I haven’t earned myself.

Lee Best: One final question before you go.

Mario Maurako: Sure thing.

Lee Best: Do you think I’m guilty of all these crimes that I’m accused of.

Mario Maurako: No I don’t.

Lee Best: Thank you, that’s all your honor.

Lee Best makes his way back to his table as Mario begins to stand up.

Lee Best: Oh, one more thing Mario. I hear you’re having a little Telethon for Bobbinette Carey on Turmoil, is that true?

Mario Maurako: Yes.

Lee Best: Well then I hope you will accept a check on my behalf. Go ahead and have the office make it out for a Million Dollars. That should take care of her don’t you think?

The court room erupts with people talking and the Judge slams his gavel down.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Order, Order in the court! END OF TRANSMISSION

 

2/4/13

Christopher Diamond defeats Scottywood.

Professor Keller defeats Matt Fury Jr.

Ryan Faze defeats Silent Witness to retain the LSD championship.

Evan Ward wants Scott Stevens to join Ground Zero.

The Minister wants his disciple, Jace Parker Davidson, to destroy Max Kael and Mike Best knows something is fishy.

Matt Fury tells Faze he’s the next LSD champion.

Max Kael defeats Mike Best by DQ.

John Sektor defeats Scott Stevens to become new ICON Champion.

Mike Best saves Scott Stevens from The Best Alliance as he debuts Bestivus and the lion kills Besty. #LionHeat