Press Conference- Halitosis’s Manager Moves On After War Games
HOTv now goes to Blaire Moise who is live at HOTv headquarters in Tampa, Florida.
Blaire Moise sitting next to a monitor wearing a #97 Red top and matching mini-skirt combo with heels. Her long blond hair flutters with the assistance with a fan inside the control room to keep the temperature inside down- and to flutter her long blond hair.
Blaire Moise: Hello, Blaire Moise here and we are at HOTv Control. Jackson C. Horne, the man who worked with former HOW champion Halitosis in the run up before War Games, called an impromptu press availability today in Peoria, Illinois to make a statement.
There’s noise and movement on the monitor. Blaire turns her head and sees activity.
Blaire Moise: Oh! It looks like the press conference is about to get underway. Let’s watch.
Peoria Civic Center / Peoria, Illinois
At the podium- Jackson C. Horne. Sitting at a table next to him-former LSD Champion Dawn McGill.
Horne is wearing a black ‘Tail of the Dragon’ t-shirt with the white outline of a United States road sign with ‘Deal’s Gap 129’ inside that he’s worn every day for the past week. The shirt also had a rudimentary map showing the squiggly lines of US 129 snaking its way through the heart of the Smoky Mountains on it.
It also had a stain on the sleeve from eating a Turtle Pecan Cluster blizzard from Dairy Queen.
McGill, dressed in a ‘The Horne Sounds’ t-shirt (Horne’s podcast) and a pair of wire rim sunglasses that she wore halfway down her nose, showed off an engagement and wedding ring to a reporter sitting in the front row (Horne and McGill had traveled to Maggie Valley, North Carolina last Friday to get married at Miss Caroline’s Wedding Chapel located off US 19 between the car wash and Smoky View Cottages and Kitchenettes with a Travelowe’s Motel on the other side).
Jackson Horne: Okay. Let’s get this over with ‘cause we’ve got a honeymoon to get on with.
Horne turns and smiles at his new wife. McGill, who recently retired from wrestling, looks over her sunglasses at him, impatient to get out of town.
Jackson Horne: First off, I want to congratulate Mike Best on winning his 1 percent bet with his father at War Games last night and John Sektor from Mike’s War Game’s team for outsmarting everyone else to win the HOW World Title. Sektor and I might have had an ‘awkward’ meeting a couple weeks back in Evansville but there’s no doubting the man’s talent and to come back from where he started back in March is nothing short of fucking remarkable.
Horne shuffles some paper.
Jackson Horne: As you know, I worked with Halitosis in his pre-match preparation to War Games. While I’d hoped he’d have a higher finish – and I know he’s disappointed he didn’t finish higher – the fact remains everyone in that fucking match was a legend or a legend in the making, yeah, I’m talking about M.J. Flair who was simply terrific last night. Congratulations to her for becoming the new LSD champion and to Cecilworth Farthington for retaining the ICON title. But despite that, I thought Halitosis stayed in there and did a pretty good job, despite his glaring inexperience showing through in this type of match and wrestling at this high of level. If he can keep at it and work as hard as he worked the ten days I had to train him every day, I believe he stands a chance of becoming a pretty good wrestler at this high of level. But, when I agreed to help Halitosis out, it was with the caveat that I would work with him through War Games and that was all. Nothing has happened to change how I feel which means my association with Halitosis has come to an end.
Horne looks up and makes eye contact with a couple of the writers in the room.
Jackson Horne: Why? Well, it basically fucking comes down to this. At my age, do I really want to go back to the day to day grind of training and working with someone five days a week and all the shit that it entails? Do I really want to get back into that fucking rat race of week in, week out, train, train, train, match and rinse, repeat, and fucking do it all over again? Or, would I prefer to do what I’m doing now – work a VERY limited part-time schedule with a mature tag team in their forties- the Kings of Old School in Missouri Valley Wrestling who don’t need me to birddog them every minute of the day during the week. All I have to do is just show up at the shows on the weekend which means I can spend the rest of my free time with her…
He points to Dawn.
Jackson Horne: …getting laid…
Dawn’s eyes suddenly widen.
Jackson Horne: …and I do mean- getting laid.
She mouths ‘what the hell?’ while Horne digs himself a deeper hole.
Jackson Horne: …so, think about it. Daily grind of work?
He points at McGill- who does not look the least bit pleased with her husband.
Jackson Horne: Or doing her every day.
She can’t believe he just said that.
Okay. Actually on second thought, yeah she can.
Jackson Horne: I mean, seriously. The decision is such a no-brainer. Who wouldn’t-
McGill lands a nice right hand that stings Horne’s shoulder.
Jackson Horne: OW! What the fuck?
Dawn McGill: You know what.
Horne rubs his shoulder.
Jackson Horne: Since when did you lose the ability to pull your punches?
McGill tilts her head down and looks over her sunglasses again.
Dawn McGill: Who says I was trying to pull my punch?
She smiles- and it’s not the ‘I’m happy to see you’ smile either.
His eyes widening now, Horne gets the message loud and clear. So he wisely decides to moves on while sex could be still on the table for tonight.
Jackson Horne: Oh. Sorry dear…
Horne clears his throat.
Jackson Horne: Now, in one of my last official acts as Halitosis’s advisor, I’ve fired the fucking dolts who’ve been coming to the ring with him- Matt the Manager and his crew. These guys are a fucking clown show and belong in an outlaw, mud wrestling circus instead of fucking holding Halitosis back. I believe Halitosis would benefit from working with someone with experience to help him navigate the ins and outs of HOW. Or if he can’t find someone suitable, he should find a faction. Or if worse comes to worse, I believe Halitosis should just become a ‘lone wolf’ – or be like Sektor and be a lone wolf – but just one who hangs with a bad ass group of people.
Dawn, now visibly annoyed at her new husband, clears her throat and motions to him to ‘go to the finish.’
Jackson Horne: I want to thank Halitosis for the privilege of working with him the past couple weeks and wish him all the luck in the world. As a reward for all the hard work he’s put in and because I received a sizeable residual check in the mail for a couple of commercials he did for Reese’s Cups as part of his endorsement deal with them, I gave the money to Halitosis and told him to go fly to Bora Bora for a week. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough cash to send his wife with him but-
Dawn sees someone out of the corner of her eye rushing forward and her jaw drops. Horne is clueless of the impending danger.
Female’s Voice: YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
Horne looks over at the source of the sound and sees Halitosis’s wife Laura Bergman, red faced with homicidal intent written all over her face, launching herself like a missile towards him.
Jackson Horne: Ohhhhh…sh-
Jackson Horne: ARRRRGHGHHHGHHH!
The chair flips backward. Laura lands her shoulder square in Horne’s stomach knocking the wind out of him. She rolls off and looks down angrily at him.
Laura Bergman: You TOLD him to go to Bora Bora? Without ME?
She kicks out at him.
Laura Bergman: WHY? WHY would you do that?
She kicks out again at him.
McGill shakes her head and starts banging it on the table.
A bewildered Blaire Moise reappears on screen. The monitor is black but you can still hear the fracas going on via the audio feed.
Blaire Moise: Ooooo-kay. Well. That’s the press conference that just went down. Who will be the next manager for Halitosis? We’ll find out soon, I’m sure. I’m Blaire Moise for HOTv. Good night everyone.