Reborn Issue #32 Chapter 11 Is This The End pt 4
Ya know I wanted to do this really cool thing about how I am so glad to be a part of HOW again but you know what part of me is wondering just what exactly is wrong with me and why have I not gotten myself a cat scan or at least an MRI. Can ya see where this is going? For the last few years I was down on myself for everything that happened in HOW. I was the one that signed on the dotted line, I was the one that let Hollywood and Zion talk me into re-forming Sex and Money and it is all on me. I take responsibilty for each and every thing that happened, it was all on me. I was just starting to work through all that garbage. I had really started to push through all that, was taking ownership of how I treated people and how I could have handled things better but then a few months ago I saw something pop up on my Twitter feed. It was about the reboot or whatever this is being called in HOW currently. I’ll be the first to admit, this to me felt like PWX all over again. See I have seen feds come out of the darkness a couple times Wrestling Midwest did it, I was gone from there. The place closed, I went and found out that the world has tons of other companies out there waiting for the next big star to walk through the door and make an impact. Found out that I am actually pretty good at straight up fighting and people would pay me to do it, made a pretty decent living doing it as well.
After the last time Wrestling Midwest closed I bounced around feds then I found Pro Wrestling X. I know, I know John Pariah, he was a mark for the business, he stole ideas from other companies. Believe me I have heard it all, lived through it all as well. John Oleson had a penchant for hardcore, the bloodier and more brutal the better. Strangely enough I found a real dark spot in my soul that craved the brutality that was PWX. I loved the violence, I loved the brutality, it filled a part of my soul that was missing something. But again PWX would so the same things that WMW did but they had to outdo WMW. See PWX would close a couple times after opening and each motherfucking time there I was just waiting to sign my stupid ass up like some kinda dumb ass fanboy that just didn’t know any better. I mean I knew what he was doing, promising this, that and every other stupid fucking thing to make me come back and of course I bought it all and usually did it with a fucking dick in my hand. I always bought it and it made me look like a punk. But the last time PWX closed it stayed closed, now don’t get me wrong John would start a new company, call it PWX junior. He tried to get me on board, worked his sales pitch real hard but this time I stood my ground. Not that I didn’t like working for the man but at this point I felt like I was being played, my strings were being pulled and I was being used as nothing more than a name that would draw people in. So I didn’t join John in his project again I went out and toured, looked for some new places to carve my name, etch my legacy just a little bit more.
I remember taking a breather from the business when a HOW recruiter came looking for me on Twitter. Now mind you I have always thought HOW was one of those feds that was simply outta my league. I never thought I was good enough to be on their radar so to speak so when I got talked to by the HOW recruiter just imagine how I really felt. I thought that this was the pinnacle of my career. I even got to work with two of my oldest and closest friends so what would be bad about that? Well there was plenty turns out that I was probably in over my head a bit, pretty sure I was spot on about that. I tried to work the way they wanted but in the end the last thing I remember was a cinder block and well I quit talking to management. I felt cheated, felt like maybe I never shoulda been there to begin with. I look at my time in HOW as a complete failure, a waste of their time and mine. I don’t know how to explain it any different. Was I busting my ass each and every show and it all felt so empty. Now that isn’t to say that HOW wasn’t a great company because it was, always has been but sometimes a square peg just doesn’t fit in a round hole and that was me at the time. And to hear all the talk backstage at the time it didn’t help matters, “Weak Link” “Dead Weight” yeah I heard it all and I just wanted it all to end. When John and Tyler came to HOW and John worked against the guys that carried PWX for a long time I felt betrayed, I felt like maybe I never mattered to him as well. After the cinder block…the cinder block gotta love the way PWX and HOW do shit like that they get creative, the break walls and careers. I really did not know how to spin it, I didn’t know how to deal with it and in the end I couldn’t wait for the end to come whether I was released or just out right killed neither would have been a disappointment.
And again when HOW closed or went on hiatus..whatever it was called I wanted to get as far away from that as possible. Darin Zion was basically the only one I talked to regularly, not even Hollywood, he was always in his mansion like Scrooge McDuck counting his fucking money. Again I would start working all over the country North Atlantic Wrestling, Fight One, Boardwalk Wrestling I was all over the place winning titles, trying to vindicate myself for the failure I was in HOW. So I got in on WWH, made a real name for myself, things got hairy there as well but I stood there when a lot of people walked out. I coulda left and maybe I shoulda but I didn’t, see loyalty has always been one of my stronger traits so I stuck around busted my ass and continued to etch my legacy into more stones.
And then a funny thing pops up on my Twitter feed one afternoon…Lee fucking Best. I was shocked, had been ages since I had even seen a thing from the man and what is that he is tweeting about? HOW…at first I thought I was being punked thought maybe this one of those days where someone was messing with me and was just trying to get another rise outta me. I mean back then Jason Parker Davidson was pretty damn good at getting under my skin. It also inspired some of my greatest mat work at least I thought it did but against the likes of Jace I just was never able to get over that one little hump. The elite in HOW I was probably never in their league. And don’t get me wrong, don’t see this and think I am looking for pity or that I want a warm hug or something. This is me realizing that I was not good enough to be anywhere near the main event in HOW. I can accept that now, I look back at that and in reality I probably never should have signed with HOW, I probably should have stayed in my own little corner of the wrestling world and just been in awe of how amazing that place was or is I guess. I mean I always looked at HOW and was just blown away by how awesome it looked, the glitz, glamour and the prestige that came with being in the place. I guess I thought that I was really good enough to one of the top dogs, thought after years of busting my ass all over the world that I could prove myself against some of the elite in the wrestling world. But I was always kidding myself. I saw the way they treated Zion and Hollywood and I wasn’t jealous or mad but you know what I still believe in my gut that Zion is my pal even considering what happened in OCW. It was a bad day for me, bad shit brings out the worst in me and I took it out on one of the few people in the business that has actually been there for me. I mean Hollywood used to be there for me but he is different now. Don’t look for one last run of Sex and Money you can put that shit to bed, that won’t happen. I don’t want any part of that, not any more.
I have always had those one feds that have always managed to pull me back in three to be exact. Three times I shoulda just taken what was there and let it go but I must have this dumb fucking smile on my face, I have to I don’t do these deals in front of a mirror but if I was I am guessing I am smiling and for the life of me I have no fucking clue why. Maybe this is where I really see the train that is on the tracks and I don’t care to move, let it run over me, let it end it all and people can move on, I can move on as well.
I mean the under-card is fine, low expectations, maybe I can do well enough to not shit the bed. I just don’t know how to approach this place. Most places I come in and just do what I’ve always done and never looked back but here I feel if I try to do that all it is going to get me is shit all over. I just find myself doubt everything I have ever done when ever I even hear the letters HOW. I can’t help I feel like this adopted kid that just never met the expectations that the dad was hoping for and then just sent the kid packing after a while.
And I know people will bring up the whole well you passed on title shots and this and that. And you know what I never deserved any shots, I was never deserving of any of that. You look at some of the elite, Max Kael, Silent Witness, Mike Best, Hollywood, Davidson. I have a big fucking zero fucking wins against all of them combined….think about that, someone that has all these accolades, accomplishments and you know what fucking pisses me off the most is that people have me fucking believing I was good enough to beat them. And let it all soak in, I let the hate just absorb into every pore in my body, you get told you’re garbage enough and you know what happens? After a while ya start to believe it and it takes even longer to break yourself of that mold. It took me a while to figure it all out, took me a while to believe in myself again. I don’t have this endless wealth of confidence like so many on the HOW roster. I’ve been to the bottom of the barrel, I have been in the deepest darkest parts of my mind and being there was never any fun.
But hey being where I am on the card is just fine, I can fly under the radar and well I face the former World Champion Scott Stevens. I mean we have a lot of history between us. There is no doubt the man is going to come out swinging and that is exactly what I want, I want him to bring that Texas fire that I am used to him bringing. Everything that happened in the past HOW is just that…the PAST. Stevens do me a favor and just bring me a fight. I don’t care about winning and I know this is going to shock everyone but I don’t care about titles here either.If I manage to win a few matches and get near one then so be it but believe me it won’t break my heart if I am just the guy that greets everyone at the door. Guys have made pretty good livings being the guy that puts the welcome mat out before they get there.
Stevens I don’t know where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing. I do know that you’ve followed some of the other HOW fellas and have signed over at OCW and you know what that is great OCW is a fine place. Great talent, work off the ring rust if you have any and work your way up the ladder. Me…don’t worry bout me bro, you are gonna get a fight, we are gonna hit each other like it was five years ago.
And that is all that the HOW faithful should be asking for is just a good ol’ fight.
Location: Kansas City, KS
Place: Some local dive bar
Time: 9 pm
We are brought to just a really shady looking bar, the smoke of the cigarettes is rising to the ceiling looking like a fog back in the middle of the room. People are paired off in various situations, we see what looks like a couple chatting it up at the bar. We see someone that is sitting at the end of the bar playing one of those video casino games, he hurriedly puts more coins in the machine and then cheers loudly as he must have won something as a rush of coins come out of the bottom. There is a small group of men sitting at one table playing cards of some sort and then towards the back we see a couple of young ladies dancing to the Eagles “One of these Nights”. In the back of the bar we see our “Hero” Noah Hanson sitting all by himself, well he does have a small group of beer bottle and pizza sitting in front of him so at least he is balancing it out I guess. He motions to bartender for another beer and then bartender sends a chick over to take a few of the empties away and brings Noah a new bottle.
“Drinking a bad day away?” the woman asked as she collected a few of the bottle and placed the new one in front of Noah. “I mean by the looks of it must have been a really bad day.”
Noah looked unimpressed by her attempt at small talk and took a drink of his beer. “Well I am going to be a dad, this chick I have had some issues with lately nearing killed the baby. I mean I thought I was going to lose both of them. And to top that fucking cake that would have been the second time something like that would have happened to me. So I am feeling a little down and thought “hey how ’bout I drink a little?”
The bar maid wasn’t sure how to take that little story and just continued to grab the bottles and put them on her tray. “Yeah that sounds fucked up, like you pissed God off or something.”
Noah throws his hands up like someone finally gets it and shakes his head. “I know right! I mean you would think that having to suffer through it once would be enough? What could I learn from this a second time?”
“Maybe the little lesson in humility didn’t take?” a voice barked from the darkness.
Noah eyes squinted a bit as he was trying to focus on the silhouette of the person coming to towards him. He recognized voice but his drunken stupor made it a little hard for him to focus but after a moment or two the person finally was clear to Noah it was his old tag team partner and godfather to his late son. Demetrius Burrell is one of Noah’s oldest friends, the two have bleed and busted their asses as teammates and friends and if there is one person that could get through to Noah it’s D. “What are you doing here D?”
D grabbed a seat and then grabbed a slice of pizza and took a bite from it and then motioned for the bar maid. “Cassandra was worried about you, wanted me to check on you cause yer not answering yer phone. And don’t be a jerk like that and do her like that, she’s not like Kristina or Karen, she loves you man.”
“Not being a jerk to her man, just having a hard time with all these and then I going back to the place of my biggest failure and you know what I don’t know if it was a good move. I don’t know why I signed, I really don’t know what came over me. It was like Bryan Garvin all over again, he came to me said the right thing and next thing I know I am sitting there looking at a signed contract and I don’t know how it happened.”
“Why does it matter, you need to focus on Cass and your kid.” D explained as the bar maid walked up. “Just a Coors Light.. thanks.”
The bar maid nodded and walked away. D looked at Noah and shook his head. “You always do this to yourself, you let yourself get suckered in and then you wonder what you are going to do next.”
Noah just sits there, takes a drink of his beer, pulls the pizza away from D and closes the lid. “You don’t get to talk to me like that AND eat my pizza. You can either eat pizza, drink beer and get shitfaced with me or lecture me, drink beer and get yer own damn food.”
D chuckled a bit and then pulled the pizza box away from Noah and then grabbed a slice. “You know that is crap, I can get away with this, Zion can’t and neither can Hollywood.”
Noah shook his head. “Hollywood doesn’t eat pizza, pepperonis remind of his nipples and he’s sensitive about that.”
“Look man just got there and take care of business and whatever happens, happens, no regrets, no looking back.” D explained as the bar maid put his beer down.
And he was right, he knew his friend was right he just needs to focus on Stevens and not worry about anything else. But being a father is something he was never expecting to be talking about again. Noah reached into his coat and pulled out a cigar and handed it to D. “I never got a chance to give you one.”
“Dude you never have to worry ’bout that I’ll always have yer back…”
Yeah he always does…
Just then in the background the jukebox starts blaring “Lonesome Loser” by the Little River Band. Noah looks at D and D shrugs his shoulders.
“That’s white boy music what you expect me to do?” D asked as he looked confused and then drank some of his beer.
“Is it some kinda omen?” Noah asked.
“Does it fucking matter?” D replied coldly.
“I guess not…” Noah said with a shrug and the scene fades as the two continue drinking.