Refueled IV Results
The screen is black, as the HOTv flashes over the screen, followed by the logo for High Octane Wrestling. We don’t open to a shot of the arena, however– the camera opens backstage in the Yuengling Arena, directly into the office of the High Octane MOGUL himself– Michael Lee Best. The retired Hall of Famer (and OCW Champion!) sits behind a big ass desk, arms folded in front of him, with his father Lee sitting directly to his left.
Oh, and there is a giant ass fishbowl on the desk in front of him, full of folded up pieces of paper.
Mike Best: Ladies and gentlemen of High Octane Wrestling, your favorite son has returned.
Mild golf claps from Lee, which don’t appear to be entirely sarcastic. Mike Best, clad in a sharp looking suit with his new bleached blonde undercut, straightens his lapel and clears his throat to continue.
Mike Best: I am your High Octane MOGUL– the Manager of GenOps Under Lee– and as your MOGUL I am tasked with a great many things in HOW. First and foremost, and much to the chagrin of many of you watching this backstage, I am in charge of the High Octane World Championship and the division in which the title matches take place– you’ll hear more about that tonight. I am also charged with relations between HOW and it’s self-owned network, HOTv– catch OCW Not Safe For Work LIVE on HOTv this Monday night, ahem ahem.
Lee side-eyes his son, his eyebrows furrowing at a reference to the sister promotion in the opening address for tonight’s show, but he lets it go.
Mike Best: But this special message isn’t just about business, it’s about pleasure. In celebration of my ascension to HOW management, my father has cautiously agreed to allow me to reach into this fishbowl, pull a piece of paper out of it… and FIRE the motherfucker whose name is written on it!
A huge, legitimate smile is on the face of the former eight time HOW World Champion, as Lee tries not to let his eyes roll out of his head. He motions for Mike to get on with it, as we’re currently wasting valuable airtime on his managerial Make-A-Wish.
Mike Best: And so tonight begins a new chapter in the final era of High Octane Wrestling. In the spirit of War Games competition, I will be booking a very special match for next week’s show– a match that Lee Best will not know about until I make the official announcement later tonight. In turn, and in the spirit of competition, Lee will do the same. But that’s all later tonight– for now, I have a MOTHERFUCKER TO TERMINATE!
Greedily and excitedly, Mike Best reaches into the fishbowl and fishes around for exactly the right piece of paper. Lee looks mildly annoyed at the extra pageantry, but he doesn’t say anything.
Finally, Mike selects what he believes to be the first piece of paper, unrolls it, and his eyes light up as he reads the slip.
Mike Best: …oh my God. This is a fucking dream come true. I’ve been waiting for this moment for ten fucking years– TEN FUCKING YEARS. By the authority bestowed upon me as the High Octane MOGUL…. DAVID BLACK…. YOU ARE FUCKING FIRED!
Hopping around in his seat like a child with a piece of candy, Lee Best does not look happy to see one of his Hall of Famers terminated due to pure luck. Before he can say anything to his son, however, Mike stands up from the desk, lifts the fishbowl and flips it upside down, dumping all of the papers across the desk. The camera zooms in.
Every single one of them says “David Black.”
Mike Best: David Black is now “primarily unemployed.”
Sitting back in his seat with his arms crossed, looking smug, Mike stares into the camera as the scene begins to fade. Lee doesn’t look annoyed anymore– all the papers strewn about the desk force a proud smile to his face, and the owner of HOW can only shake his head and laugh as the show officially cuts to the ring and begins.
We cut ringside to our Hall of Fame announce team as we are ready for our first match. The intro to Wolf Totem by The Hu bursts to life and the crowd cheers for Chris Kostoff as he walks out onto the ramp. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a hoodie – hardly ideal for a wrestling match, but Kostoff is only here for a brawl.
Joe Hoffman: There’s a lot of respect here for that man, Benny.
Benny Newell: You have to respect your elders, Hoffman. Kostoff is old as fuck.
The HOW legend makes his way down the ramp and circles the ring before sliding in under the bottom rope. His music fades; quickly replaced by Party Til We Die by MAKJ & Timmy Trumpet. Joey Conrad steps out from behind the curtain and raises his arms, but he is received by a chorus of boos.
Joe Hoffman: Speaking of respect, I think there’s a lack of it for young Conrad…
Benny Newell: He’s twelve years old, Joe. Nobody respects children. Especially in Florida.
Confused by what that even means, Hoffman continues to hype the upcoming match, citing a David vs Goliath situation for Joey Conrad, as the rookie makes his way down to the ring. Hoffman comments that Conrad does not have his mentor by his side, but as soon as he finishes his sentence, Right Where I Belong by 3 Doors Down replaces Conrad’s awful entrance music and the crowd rises to its feet, cheering. Silent Witness, aided by his walking stick, hobbles out onto the stage. He too is wearing jeans, paired with an LSD Legend t-shirt.
Benny Newell: This motherfucker makes Kostoff look like a fucking teenager. GO HOME WITNESS, YOU’RE TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!
Joe Hoffman: We heard last week that Joey Conrad would be moving on from his association with Silent Witness and the Hall of Famer seemed to confirm that tonight will be his final appearance in HOW. I wasn’t sure we would see him at all, Benny!
Chris Kostoff rests against the ropes, looking on as his fellow Hall of Famer struggles to make his way down the ramp. Joey Conrad, perhaps sensing an opportunity, rushes up behind Kostoff and jumps towards him, drilling the former World Champion with a Forearm Smash. Unfortunately for Joe, all it seems to do is anger the big man. Kostoff turns around and stares at Conrad, as referee Matt Boettcher calls for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: This one is underway folks – and I don’t think Conrad is going to enjoy it!
Kostoff slowly lurks forwards, stalking his opponent. Conrad backs away until he reaches the ropes. With nowhere left to go, he quickly dives out of the ring and begins circling it – until he comes face to face with Silent Witness. The pair stare at each other for a tense moment, before the LSD Legend steps aside, letting Conrad by, peacefully.
As Conrad slides back in the ring, Silent Witness bangs his cane against the steel steps encouragingly. Conrad looks at him; surprised. He quickly gathers himself and turns back to face Kostoff – the monster standing in the centre of the ring, waiting. Conrad, enthused by his mentor’s encouragement, bounces off the ropes and launches himself towards Kostoff. He connects with a Jumping Elbow Strike, but Kostoff barely moves.
Joe Hoffman: Conrad trying to use his agility here, but it doesn’t look to be working right now.
Benny Newell: This is what happens when a 180-pound idiot gets in the ring with King Kong, Hoffman!
Conrad tries once more, this time jumping towards Kostoff and goes for the elbow again, but Kostoff catches him. Conrad looks terrified as he realises what is about to happen. With the crowd cheering him on, Kostoff juggles Conrad around until he has him in position. After taking a step back towards the corner to give himself some room, Kostoff rushes forward and plants Conrad into the mat with a sickening No Remorse!
Joe Hoffman: Good God, I think he broke him!
Benny Newell: Wallop! Hahaha!
Matt Boettcher drops down to count the three and the bell rings to signal the end of the match. The Florida crowd cheers loudly for Kostoff, as he raises his arms in celebration.
Joe Hoffman: Kostoff threw Joey Conrad around like a ragdoll, Benny!
As Hoffman and Newell continue discussing the annihilation of Joey Conrad, Kostoff leaves the ring and begins walking towards the back. Meanwhile, Silent Witness has entered the ring. He helps Conrad to his feet and the youngster grabs the back of his head in pain. Angrily, Conrad then shoves his former mentor. Silent Witness struggles to stay upright – gripping the ropes to help steady himself.
Joe Hoffman: What the hell is going on here?!
Benny Newell: HOW isn’t a safe place for an old fuck that can’t feel his legs, Joe!
The pair exchange words, before Joey Conrad grabs the LSD Legend by the arm and whips him across the ring. Silent Witness bounces off the ropes – straight into a running dropkick!
Joe Hoffman: There’s no need for this, damn it!
Conrad rises to his feet and screams at his former mentor, whom is now sprawled out on the mat. Suddenly, the crowd erupts as Chris Kostoff comes running back down the ramp! He slides into the ring and immediately gets to work on Conrad; hitting him with right hand after right hand, until Conrad is out on his feet in the corner!
Joe Hoffman: CHRIS KOSTOFF HAS SEEN ENOUGH OF THIS!
Kostoff quickly turns to his former stablemate and helps him up to his feet. Meanwhile, Conrad has spotted an opportunity and picked up Silent Witness’ cane off the mat. He rushes forwards and crack Kostoff across the head with it, sending the monster down to the mat! The boos begin to ring out throughout the arena as Conrad begins to stalk Silent Witness.
Joe Hoffman: Oh, come on! Enough is enough!
Benny Newell: Shut up, Joe! This is great!
Silent Witness, vulnerable without his walking stick, begins to hobble backwards, crouching a little, away from Conrad. Joey smiles; knowing that he has his former mentor panicking. After hobbling back a few paces, Silent Witness suddenly stops and stands upright. He no longer looks vulnerable – he looks stable; he looks strong – and he looks angry! The crowd cheers as Silent Witness turns the tables and begins stalking Conrad!
Benny Newell: What the fuck?!
Joe Hoffman: Silent Witness didn’t need the damn walking stick, Benny!
It’s Joey’s turn to panic and the youngster makes a rookie mistake – he turns his back on Silent Witness as he attempts to escape. The Hall of Famer pounces, though; locking Conrad in his Silent Night sleeper hold!
Joe Hoffman: SILENT NIGHT! SILENT NIGHT! CONRAD HAS NOWHERE TO GO!
As Joey Conrad falls in an unconscious heap to the mat, Chris Kostoff rolls out of the ring. He quickly looks under the ring apron and pulls out a large, black bag.
Benny Newell: WHY DOES CHRIS KOSTOFF HAVE A BODYBAG HIDDEN UNDER THE RING?! WHY DOESN’T ANYONE EVER CHECK UNDER THERE BEFORE WE GO ON AIR?!
Kostoff slides back into the ring with the bodybag and unzips it, while instructing Silent Witness to drag Conrad over. The pair lift Conrad into the bag and zip it up. Kostoff jumps out of the ring and drags the bodybag out of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Oh no… What’s going to happen now…
Hoffman’s concerns go unanswered as Kostoff lifts Conrad up onto his shoulder. He gestures at Silent Witness to follow him and the pair walk up the ramp, onto the stage. The crowd is cheering on in anticipation of what might happen next.
Benny Newell: Finally, they’re leaving!
On the stage, Kostoff dumps Conrad unceremoniously onto the steel. He asks Silent Witness to unzip the body bag as he steps behind the curtain.
Joe Hoffman: Where is Kostoff going?
Benny Newell: He’s senile, Joe! The old fuck has forgotten where he is!
A few seconds later, Kostoff reappears with a large pack of thumbtacks! The crowd erupts as Silent Witness holds the bag open for Kostoff to pour them in – on top of Joey Conrad!
Joe Hoffman: Oh, no… Someone put a stop this!
Benny Newell: Fuck you, Joe! This just got interesting!
The LSD Legend zips up the bag and gets to his feet; stopping Kostoff from picking Conrad up again. He raises his finger, gesturing for one moment, before taking off his t-shirt to reveal a HOW classic underneath: A 2003 Legion of Darkness t-shirt!
Joe Hoffman: L-O-D!
Benny Newell: Oh for fuck sake… What next? Mark O’Neal finds .4 of his fans? Give me a break!
The crowd – at least, those old enough to remember it – begin to cheer even louder, as Kostoff looks on with a smile. He nods his appreciation, before also removing his t-shirt to reveal an LOD t-shirt! The crowd is now completely unhinged; cheering on these two old friends!
Joe Hoffman: And now Kostoff with an LOD shirt! They must have had the same idea! This is Silent Witness’ last appearance in HOW and both men has the same idea to show respect to one another!
Benny Newell: I think I’m going to be sick!
The pair raise their arms to the crowd in unison and take in the applause for a moment, before turning their attention back to the now-wriggling body bag. Kostoff gives Conrad a couple of stomps, before lifting the Brit to his feet. As he struggles to get free, Silent Witness boots him in the gut, causing Conrad to double over, undoubtedly in agony as the tacks begin to stick to his body. Silent Witness and Chris Kostoff glance at each other and Kostoff nods, before the pair lift Conrad, resting him on a shoulder each.
Joe Hoffman: No!
Benny Newell: FUCK YES! KILL THAT TEA-DRINKING TWAT!
Kostoff and Witness walk over to the side of the stage and look down at a ten-to-fifteen-foot drop below. They hold Conrad up for a moment, before launching him off the stage with a horrific Double Powerbomb!
Joe Hoffman: OH MY GOD!
Benny Newell: HOLY SHIT! They actually killed him!
The crowd, stunned silent for a moment from what they have just seen, quickly erupt into cheers! A huge “L-O-D!” chant fills the arena and the pair raise their arms to the crowd once more. After a moment, Kostoff takes a step away and begins to clap Silent Witness. The crowd cheers and joins in the clapping.
Joe Hoffman: What a show of respect for the LSD Legend!
Hoffman rises to his feet and joins in with the crowd!
Benny Newell: Sit the fuck down, Joe!
Silent Witness and Chris Kostoff exchange a few words before shaking hands. Kostoff backs away and disappears behind the curtain; leaving Silent Witness to take in the cheers of the crowd one last time. They break into a chant of “L-S-D!” and the Hall of Famer is visibly moved by the reaction.
Joe Hoffman: In our early years, this man arguably did more for the LSD Division than anyone. He achieved his dream of being World Champion and earned his spot in the Hall of Fame. What a deserved ovation for Silent Witness!
Silent Witness turns and heads back towards the curtain; the crowd still chanting for him.
Benny Newell: Only in HOW can you kill a guy and the crowd gives you a standing ovation! What the fuck are we doing here?!
With the crowd still chanting, Refueled cuts to a commercial break as there is nothing more to do after such an emotional scene.
Highly recommended after taking an ass whooping from Hall of Famers Chris Kostoff and Silent Witness
Backstage somewhere in the Yuengling Center is The Hardcore Artist drinking from a bottle. But it’s certainly not a Yuengling. In his hand he holds his barbed wire hockey stick and he is just twirling it in his hands. Trying to get in that mind set. That mind set that we have all been chasing since 2015?
Scottywood: Shit has been rough sicne HOW has returned. One win. Two Losses. A feeling in the locker room that shit just isn’t the same. Tonight we have the last man to how the HOW World Title Brian Hollywood taking on rookie nobody before this tournament, Halitosis in a match that… well no one seems to care about.
He takes a drink of his beer and holds his hand up before everyone gets in arms about him shitting on tonight’s main event.
Scottywood: I don’t say that lightly, because I want everyone to care about the HOW World Title… so that when I win it… it means something. But neither men are on a War Games roster as of the moment… or are they… who the fuck knows. The fact is they weren’t picked in the top three like me and Max. Yes, we each lost to Halitosis… but will the Cinderella story have a Disney finish or will the villain Hollywood recapture his gold and bring it back to his mansion to do who knows what with it.
Scotty just shakes his head… as that is not something he wishes for the HOW World Title. Then again… we may never get the smell of Halitosis’ breath off the strap if he wins.
Scottywood: Look… I don’t fucking agree with Max’s wishes to burn this fucking place to the ground literally and leave HOW in the fucking grave where it crawled out of… but like something that crawls out of graves after being dead… we are all zombies right now. I agree that something isn’t right in HOW… but I am far from giving up on it. I still have fight left in this body and that means nothing needs to be left on the fucking table.
He chugs his beer bottle and slams it down the table, nearly shattering it in the process and busting him open before he even gets to the ring. At least he’s hot headbutting shit yet.
Scottywood: THIS IS FUCKIGN IT. We blow this… you will never see the name High Octane Wrestling again. So from the bottom of my souless fucking black barbed wire wrapped heart… people need to the step the fuck up or War Games will be an assured destruction for HOW. Not a huge bomb going off that sends us all off in the fucking blaze of glory…. But a slow suffocation until we all just slip away into obscurity.
Scotty just shakes his head as that could be the worst possible fucking outcome we could all see here. HOW doesn’t go out with whimper… it can’t… it won’t.
Scottywood: So Max wants to destroy it all… and I want to save it. Tonight may be the last meeting you ever see between Scottywood and Max… maybe not. But tonight I go out there and prove that the Scottywood you saw in the first 3 matches here in HOW is done. The rust is off and shit is back to full throttle for Scottywood. Let the blood fucking flow and leave it all in that ring… cause when I’m dead, I don’t need any of it. This is High Octane fucking Wrestling…. Let’s not forget it!
Scotty shoot the bottle off the table with the hockey stick down the hall as we hear it shatter and he heads off into the arena to further prep for one more match against Maximilian Kael
As we switch back to ring side of the Hall of Fame duo.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special interview via satellite from Scott Stevens.
Via satellite? What the fuck is that shit Hoffhole?!?!?!?!?
Apparently he wasn’t allowed to come to the arena since he wasn’t booked.
That’s bullshit Hoffman and you know it. Fucker’s too scared to come back. Might as well just sit home and collect his money because he knows HOW doesn’t need him and War Games doesn’t need him either.
You might be right Benny as Stevens has been active on social media protesting his usage and having to “prove” himself to get on a War Games team.
Fuck him. The only thing Stevens has proven is that he can’t win a fucking match. The Era of the Lonesome Loser has returned! DRINK!
As the announcers continue to berate the former HOW World Champion, the feed cuts to the home of Scott Stevens where we see the Texan sitting on his couch waiting to be interviewed by Blaire Moise as the crowd begins to boo the sight of Stevens.
Lively crowd tonight Benny.
They are sick of his bullshit Hoffman. Do you blame them?
Blaire gets the signal to begin.
Scott, it has been awhile since you’ve been seen on HOW Television and the last time you were on you lost a battle royal to crown a new ICON champion.
Lately, you’ve been very vocal on various social media outlets and other things voicing your displeasure with how you’ve been treated by management and this farce of having to prove yourself to be included in War Games. Now you’ve asked for this time and what do you have to say?
As Stevens goes to give his response the feed begins to cut out and goes to static.
Looks like we won’t be hearing from Stevens after all.
Fade to commercial.
As we come back from commercial Joe welcomes us back to ringside.
“World’s Greatest” by R. Kelly hits and the crowd immediately boos as “The Fabulous One” Jonny O’Dell makes his way onto the stage as Joe hypes up the fact that O’Dell and Zion have had a war of words leading up to this match as Zion says he’s focused but Jonny doesn’t think so and Benny wants to know when the last time O’Dell showered considering the stench and the smeared War Games and other things written on his face and body.
O’Dell continues to slowly make his way to the ring irritating the fans especially Benny who has a hooker date after the show and he can’t make it if O’Dell won’t get his fat ass in the ring. “Bow Down” by I Prevail hits and Darin Zion comes running out from the back and bumps O’Dell who is still doing his best sloth impression which causes him to fall. Benny laughs as O’Dell falls on his ass and Zion is yelling for him to get in.
Once inside, Joel Hortega calls for the bell and Zion charges at O’Dell, but the wily veteran ducks in-between the ropes to force Hortega to pull Zion back. Zion charges again and O’Dell climbs out onto the apron telling Hortega to get Zion back who pushes Hortega to the side and goes after The Fabulous One once more who hops onto the floor bringing boos from the crowd and frustration to Zion.
“Get the fuck in there Tubby! I got a date with a blowjob later and you’re going to make me late” can be heard from Benny as Jonny slowly makes his way up the steps and back onto the apron. Zion charges at O’Dell again, but instead of hopping off the apron again he grabs Zion by the head and drops him neck first on the rope. Jonny tries to capitalize but he trips over the bottom rope bringing laughter to the crowd as he curses at them as he crawls over to make a cover.
Zion gets the shoulder up and O’Dell puts him in a reverse chinlock to slow down the faster Zion bringing disdain from the crowd for O’Dell’s slow style of wrestling. The Fabulous One tells Hortega to ask Zion if he quits says no which causes Jonny to deliver a elbow to the top of the head before taking him to Pity City. The sight of Zion’s face being rubbed into O’Dell’s grotesque arm pit combined with the smell is about to make Benny hurl, but he doesn’t. He asks Joe what’s worse O’Dell’s smell or Halitosis’ breath and Hoffman can’t give an answer.
O’Dell admires his work meaning he is taking a breather as the crowd boos. Jonny has some choice words for the audience as he turns his attention back to Zion who is back on his feet and delivers a running dropkick to the flab of The Flabby One causing the Golden Era Grappler to stumble back into the nearest corner. Zion like a man on a mission drills O’Dell in the chest again this time with double knees. The former ICON champion begins to unload a series of chops to the chest. Zion mixes in a vicious uppercut that sends spit and sweat into the air as the crowd cheers Zion with each lashing he deals out to O’Dell. Benny asks is O’Dell that hated or is Zion that liked and Hoffman can’t come up with an answer. Zion ascends to the top rope and waits for Jonny to turn around so he can deliver a flying crossbody.
O’Dell kicks out.
Zion begins to work over the arm of The Fabulous One as he delivers a few knees into the socket joint and elbow before barring it and yelling at Hortega to ask him. Joe mentions that Zion is well versed in submissions. O’Dell doesn’t give so Zion yanks Jonny forward and delivers a knee to his face. Zion forces O’Dell to the mat and he locks one arm with his legs and he starts pulling on the other. Hoffman informs that the Rings of Saturn submission is called The Last Laugh.
Zion continues to put pressure on the arm of O’Dell, but the Fabulous One is somehow able to get his feet on the bottom rope breaking the hold. Zion delivers kick after kick to O’Dell until he is forced to his feet and Zion whips him across the ring. He goes to deliver another double knees to chest, but O’Dell holds onto him and musters enough strength to deliver a massive powerbomb. As he covers he also puts his feet on the ropes.
The crowd goes crazy as Zion is able to pop out at the last possible instant as O’Dell has a wide eyed look on his face wondering what he has to do to keep Zion down. O’Dell grabs onto the ropes to help him up and begins to stomp onto the canvas as if he’s tuning up the band. O’Dell waits for Zion to get to his feet and goes to deliver the Fab Foot, but Zion avoids the attack and delivers his own kick called the Flash Point, but the momentum sends The Fabulous One to the outside.
Zion tries to go after him, but Hortega stops him and moves him back so he can start his ten count and as he is doing this O’Dell starts to unfasten his belt. The count reaches to five and O’Dell is leaning on the ring apron and Zion goes to pull Jonny back into the ring only to get clocked by the massive steel belt buckle off O’Dell. Jonny tosses the belt and slithers into the ring like the snake that he is and makes a cover.
Bryan McVay announces Jonny O’Dell as the victor while the boos and garbage rain down on The Fabulous One as he exits the ring and heads to the back as we cut elsewhere
We cut from the ring to the backstage area.
Where, we pick up with the Egg Bandits walking the hallways. Both Jiles and Dooze are in their ring gear because, as luck would have it, their match against The New Best Alliance is right around the corner.
Doozer is locked in; ready to kill.
Jiles looks primed up. Ready to skullfuck a fire anthill bareback with a gasoline drip on full tilt.
Doozer: You realize this is what Dane wanted.
Jiles: I DON’T CARE, DOOZER.
Doozer straightens up a bit. Jiles has never talked to him quite like that.
Jiles: All I want to know is where that fat, fucking traitor is! I want to eat his swollen heart. I want his high cholesterol running through MY arteries. I want that fucking robe that can blanket an elephant to Dane my ass with. I want him to starve, the traitorous pig that he is. I bet he doesn’t even have the eggs to come down to the ring with his new puppetmaster and look me in the eyes… the fucking sack of fat.
Doozer: Technically, wouldn’t he just be staring back at himself, ya know… because the mirror tint?
Jiles: FINE THEN. I WANT HIM TO LOOK HIMSELF IN HIS OWN EYES WHILE LOOKING INTO MINE. My eyes! Is that better?
Doozer: Sure. Kinda.
The two turn the corner.
And there he is.
Bloody Pen in hand.
Patch on eye.
It’s Data Stevens.
With a calculator and stopwatch.
It’s Bobby Dean. He’s got his attention on a couple churros hanging out his mouth, and doesn’t notice the two people he just casually waddled by.
The camera zooms on Jiles. He is so aghast his eyebrows could reach the top of Eric Dane’s forehead. You can’t hear it, but the siren from Kill Bill is blaring inside his head as well. Ya know, the one whenever Black Mamba sees her prey.
The Dooze reacts as close to a middle school girl as you could possibly imagine. Wait a tic…
Doozer: Was that?
Jiles: There’s isn’t a fatter human being on the face of this Earth.
Doozer: Well… should we… like… egg him, or something?
So befuddled he didn’t even hear the question.
Jiles: The motherfucker didn’t. even. notice us!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIM!!! OF ALL THESE FUCKING MONGO’S. And…HIM.
Before Jiles can pull himself together, Bobby has pranced out of view. You can tell because the tremors shaking the camera have stopped.
Doozer: Well, there goes that. Talk about a wasted opportunity. We gotta get back to some good, old-fashioned eggings, if you ask me.
Followed by more screaming from Jiles.
It’s obvious that, no matter what he’d say, this one got to him.
Then, like the eye of the storm, came a moment of serenity.
Jiles beamed, while looking to the sky. It was as if a higher power called from above.
Jiles: That’s it, Dooze.
His friend stood motionless. Unsure how to react to such a positive comment.
Jiles: For once. For one single, fleeting moment. Out of the BILLIONS to have passed in your long, sad life.
Doozer starts to nod as if he knew better.
Jiles: You hit the Dane on the head.
Now a look of confusion. Jiles turns, and meets that look with one of confidence and determination.
He smiles. The first real Jiles smile in years.
Jiles: It’s time we introduce these fuckers to the Era of the Egg.
Doozer lights up like a kid on Christmas morning.
Jiles: But before we attack, we must sure up our squad! AND I KNOW JUST THE GUY.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL.
The HOW cameras bustle to track down an immediate disturbance. Deep into the belly of the Yuenglings Center, we head through a corridor and into a locker room. The main change area appears empty, however the chant of a boisterous male can be distinguished in the showering area.
E I E I E I O
UP THE HOW RANKINGS I GO
AND WHEN I GET TO WAR GAMES
THIS IS WHAT I’LL SING
I AM LEGEND
AND I AM FUCKING KING
The cameras slowly edge closer to the target (who is acting like a crazed football hooligan) and peer from around the corner.
There, is ‘The Wild Conspiracist’ himself, Jonny O’Dell. Who, just so happens to be inside a hot running bathtub playing the fool. He is sporting some extremely tight blue spandex swim trunks and is stood with a bottle of beer in his hand. Also, forgetting to mention.. an inflatable sheep is there in the tub with O’Dell. Rising as the water raises.
Strange behaviour from a competitor who has merely only competed in a one on one match. Granted, he was successful but his celebration could only be justified if he’d won a World title. Or, in O’Dell’s case, because of the chanting… the footballing World Cup. All seems a bit of an overreaction.
O’Dell: And the crowd goes wild!
O’Dell continues to celebrate, obviously happy with his win against Darin Zion here tonight. He then steps up on the rim of the bath and puts his arms out in a diving position.
O’Dell: Michael Phelps going for gold..!
O’Dell, without hesitation, then fully dives into the running bath and the water spills out everywhere. The sheep goes out, too. O’Dell then gets up and celebrates like a mentalist.
Shaking his bottle of beer everywhere like champagne.
AND NOW YOU’RE GUNNA BELIEVE ME
AND NOW YOU’RE GUNNA BELIEVE ME
AND NOW YOU’RE GUNNA BELIEVE ME
I’M GUNNA WIN WAR GAMES!
O’Dell breaks out in more mad chanting as he slightly changes the lyrics to a famous Liverpool FC chant. Banging the wall behind him to get himself riled and pumped up.
I’M GUNNA WIN WAR GAMES—
The shouting is getting out of control and the HOW cameras creep out backwards to O’Dell’s chanting getting louder and louder. As well as the banging to boot.
I’M GUNNA WIN WAR GAMES—
Creeping further and further out of the room.
AND NOW YOU’RE GUNNA BELIEVE ME
AND NOW YOU’RE GUNNA BELIEVE ME
AND NOW YOU’RE GUNNA BELIEVE ME
Fully out of the room now.
I’M GUNNA WIN WAR GAMES!
We cut back to ringside as the fans are buzzing to what they just witnessed and the monkeys in the truck are trying to edit out all Liverpool references before Manchester United fan Lee Best kills them all.
Back at ringside Joe and Benny talk about the tag team match coming up between the returning eGG Bandits, Jiles and Doozer who will be facing the newest incarnation of The Best Alliance, two of the three current members of Lee Best’s team at War Games, Lindsay Troy and Eric Dane. Benny says that the Bandits are leaving with their eGG all over their faces as Joe just shakes his head and says he believes if the Bandits can put up a good fight against two War Games participants, they could make a solid push for spots in the match alongside them.
“Doozy” by Token hits and out onto the stage walks both members of the eGG Bandits as they walk to the ring.
Bryan McVay: The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall. Making their way to the ring weighing in at a combined weight of 522 pounds… COOL Jiles and Doozer… The eGG Bandits!!!!
“Watch Me” by The Phantoms hits next as there are cheers for Lindsay Troy and Eric Dane as they make their way out onto the stage together. Troy makes her way down quickly with enthusiasm as Dane takes a more methodical walk to the ring with a stern look on his face.
Bryan McVay: And their opponents, representing The Best Alliance…. Eric Dane and Lindsay Troy!!!!
Joel Hortega calls for the bell as we see Dane and Doozer start things off as they lock up and the bigger Doozer knees Dane in the gut and nails him with a forearm across the back. Whipping him intot he ropes Dane ducks a clothesline and spring back with a crossbody that takes Doozer down. Dane starts raining down rights on Doozer who does his best to get his hands up to block until he can roll over to the ropes and Hortega jumps in to separate the two men.
Joe comments on the quick start as it’s been a long two weeks and these four seem eager to prove that they all belong in the War Games match. Doozer tags in Jiles as comes in and locks up with Dane as they grapple for a moment s exchanging holds before they stalemate and start trading punches in the middle of the ring to the roar of the crowd. Dane takes advantage as he boots Jiles in the gut finally and nails a snap suplex as Jiles arches his back in pain and rolls out of the ring in front of the announce table.
But Dane doesn’t let up as he chases after Jiles and pick him up and slams him off the edge of the announce table as Benny frantically saves his Jack as Joe gets partially out of dodge. Jiles is on his knees as Dane grabs his head and slams in off the top of the announce table before helping Jiles back up and rolling him into the ring at Hortega’s five count.
Jiles reaches out for Doozer but Dane lays a boot to Jiles and grabs his arm as he pulls him over toward Troy and tag her in for the first time in the match. Troy comes in and lays some boots to Jiles as she pulls him to his feet and kicks him in the gut but Jiles catches the boot and Troy counters with a step-up Enziguri that nearly knocks Jiles out as she goes for the cover.
Jiles kicks out as the Troy stays right on Jiles and goes for the briding sharpshooter but Jiles counters with a boot to the side of Troy’s head and is able to roll over and hit the hot tag to Doozer who climbs in and nails Troy with a sling blade. He hits the ropes as Troy stumbles back up and right into a leaping forearm that connects and sends Troy back into her corner where Dane tags himself in.
Dane charges at Doozer who didn’t notice the tag at the moment and gets nailed with a diving elbow from Dane that sends the Doozerful One into the ropes and back to Dane who connects with a belly to belly suplex. With Doozer down Dane goes for a pair of knees to Doozer’s head. But Doozer rolls out of the way. Dane pops back to his feet clutching his knees but goes for another set of knees to the back of Doozer this time and again misses as he stays down on his knees and Doozer pops up to connect with a short snap DDT as he goes for the cover.
Dane kicks out as Doozer goes to pick Dane up off the mat but Dane grabs the referee to help stabilize himself as his knee partially gives out and hits a thumb to the eye of Doozer in the process. Joe is outraged as Benny claims Dane is just off balance. Doozer stumbles back to Jiles who tags in as Dane makes his way back to Troy and the two fresh wrestler go at it trading punches in the middle of the ring with Troy getting the advantage and hitting a cobra clutch leg sweep on Jiles and then delivering a front-flip leg drop as she goes for the cover.
Jiles kicks out as Troy starts to set him up for her famous double knee strike. Jiles manages to pull himself back up as he turns around to Troy who launches herself at Jiles and attacks with the knees but Jiles dodges the attack as we see Doozer climb back into the ring and run at Dane who he nails with a flying forearm and both men go crashing down to the outside of the ring hard.
Hortega is focus on the illegal man as Jiles turns back to Troy and sprays her in the face with a yellow mist of what could… or could not be egg. Benny is screaming at Hortega as Joe calls out he’s hit the COOLYMPIAN Yolk move as Jiles sets up for the super kick.
Troy is wiping the mess from her eyes as she turns right into the flying foot of Jiles which she somehow manages to side step as she hits the ropes and nails Jiles with two knees to the face. Jiles is nearly knocked out as Troy locks in the Key to the Kingdom submission hold as we see Eric Dane whip Doozer into the barricade. Jiles is now fully out as Hortega has no choice but to call for the bell.
Bryan McVay: Your winners by submission…. Eric Dane and Lindsay Troy…. THE BEST ALLIANCE!!!!!
Troy keeps wrenching on Jiles head as she screams how he isn’t worthy of War Games and breaks the hold right at Hortega’s four count to preserve the win as she throws he back back and arms in the air as she stands back up to her feet and is joined by Dane.
Joe puts over how this was a great back and forth match and both teams showed they want to be inside that cage come War Games, but two of Lee’s three picks have come out on top. Benny says of course they did, that is why Lee picked them and he is just glad that Jiles’ illegal and possible criminal actions in the ring didn’t cost The Best Alliance the win they deserve.
The camera once again cuts back into the office of the High Octane MOGUL, Michael Best. It seems he’s all alone this time, though– Lee is nowhere to be found. Mike has removed his suit jacket, his legs kicked up on the desk in front of him as the camera zooms in toward his face.
Mike Best: Quite a show so far, but we’re just getting started– earlier tonight, I said I would be booking a match for the next HOW show. A match that my father had no prior knowledge of. A BIG. FUCKING. MATCH. And I’m going to make that match… right now.
He takes his legs down off the desk, leaning forward and removing the smile from his face.
Mike Best: Your MOGUL is here to shake things up, and we’re starting at the top. The next match of the night features Scottywood and Max Kael, two men who HAPPEN to be on my War Games team… but also two men who put in a hell of an effort to promote and prepare for their match this week. A much better job than… I don’t know… the two men competing for the HOW World Championship tonight.
Mike looks displeased, tapping a finger sluggishly on the table.
Mike Best: I like to reward those who put in the work. In today’s HOW– in the HOTV ERA– I will be rewarded those who know how to get themselves over. Who take the ball and run with it. Who don’t yawn their way through the week and only show up for the shows. You want a sponsorship? PROMOTE SOMETHING. You want fancy graphics for your brand? PROMOTE SOMETHING. PROMOTE, HYPE, AND GET ENGAGED, and you will be REWARDED.
He enunciates those words very strongly, so hopefully you get the fucking point. But if you don’t, there is a news post coming later this week. Dickheads.
Anyway Mike Best is still talking and now he smiles.
Mike Best: And that’s why… the winner of our next match of the evening… Scottywood versus Max Kael… will have a very special match on the next show. A match versus the winner of tonight’s main event… for the HOW World Championship. Now get the fuck out of my office, I have very important business-ey businessman things to do.
Mike leans down toward a bunch of clearly empty papers on his desk, pretending that they are very important. He barely glances up to make sure the camera is leaving, as HOW Refueled cuts to commercial.
Joe welcome us back to ringside as Benny is blatantly refilling his glass with Jack as Hoffman talks about the upcoming match between War Games teammates Max Kael and Scottywood with the massive stipulation on the line mentioned by Mike Best earlier.
“Drink, Drank, Drunk” by Hellyeah hits and Scottywood gets a nice reception from the crowd as the Hardcore Artist is pure focus as he heads towards the ring. “Witch Doctor” by De Staat begins to play and the crowd begins to boo the Co-Commander of Team Mike Best and Max shakes his head in disgust and has words with the sheep in the audience as he heads to the ring.
Once inside, senior official, Matt Boettcher checks both men and Bryan McVay reinforces the announcement from The M.O.G.U.L himself, Mike Best, that the winner of tonight will face the winner of Halitosis and Brian Hollywood at Refueled V for the HOW World Championship. Joe hypes up the fact that this is a major opportunity for the former world champions while Benny is clearing pulling for Max to win because the worst thing than Scotty being the world champion again is Scott Stevens being the world champion.
The bell rings and they circle each other for a moment before going for a collar and elbow tie up but Scotty has other plans as he takes the fight directly to the Max surprising the Sinister One with a thunderous right to the body that staggers Max a bit and Scotty follows it up with bum rushing Max into the corner and driving his shoulder into the abdomen of his War Games teammate. Benny is yelling for Max to get out of the corner and Hoffman is telling everyone that he is seeing a passion in Scotty’s eyes that he hasn’t seen in a long time. The Hardcore Artist head butts Max before grabbing him and tossing him overhead with a belly to belly suplex.
Max kicks out.
Max turns the match in his favor as Scotty goes to pick him up and the Paragon of the Ring simply rakes the eyes of Scotty before kicking him in the knee to bring Scotty to all fours. Max salivates a bit as him drives the red head into the canvas with a DDT and goes for a cover.
Scotty gets his shoulder up and Max begins to pick apart Scotty as he mounts him and delivers a Mongolian chop to the neck of Scotty who is have trouble breathing and Max simply smirks as he jumps up and drives both of his feet into the chest and stomach of Scotty causing him to gasp for air.
Scotty kicks out and Max meets him with a stiff knee to the face. Max mounts Scotty once more and begins to delivers right to the face of the Hardcore Artist mixing in forearms and twelve to six elbows as well.
Scotty gets the shoulder up once more and Max shows his frustration yelling at the ref and Joe informing the listening audience that Scottywood is showing tremendous heart while Benny takes a long drink. With his frustrations mounting Max smiles devilishly smiles and sinks his sparkling chrome teeth onto the nose of Scottywood and he wails out in pain before letting go before Boettcher reaches the count of five. Hoffman informs that Max was pushing disqualification but Benny states he’s doing what he has to, to win.
Max picks up Scotty and the Hardcore Artist shoves him back and Max uses the momentum to slingshot off of the ropes and delivers The Gaslighter to an unsuspecting and incoherent Scott Woodson. Scotty stumbles back against the ropes and like Max uses his momentum deliver a lariat, but Max saw it coming and ducked under the strike and head butts Scotty with his titanium reinforced ocular plate and eye patch which busts Scotty wide open as Joe yells that Scotty has been busted open. Scotty in a daze drops to a knee as he is trying to wipe the blood out of his eyes but it’s too little and too late as The First of His Name grabs his opponent and delivers The Maximum Kaelnage Tiger Driver.
The crowd goes ballistic as Scotty was able to pop out at the last possible instant as Max can’t believe it and yells at Boettcher that it was three and Benny agrees calling it bullshit. Max begins to stomp away on the prone Scottywood before delivering a few stiff kicks to the ribs. Max backs away from Scotty and motions for him to get up as he wants to take him on a ride in The iMperial Star Destroyer. Once, Scotty gets to all fours Max rushes towards him and jumps to deliver the curb stomp, but Scotty rolls out of the way and when Max turns around he eats an Ice Kick and a SDT!
Max is able to put his foot on the bottom rope at the last second and Scotty yells out in frustration as his face is covered in the proverbial crimson mask. Scotty pulls Max away from the ropes towards the center of the ring and lifts him up onto his shoulders. Scotty is looking for the Game Misconduct. The blood covered face is something we’ve seen a thousand times, but the intensity in it is a look we haven’t seen since he last fought for a world championship. Scotty goes to spin Max, but he hooks Scotty’s arms and uses the momentum to pull Scotty downward into a crucifix pin.
Scotty kicks out a second too late.
Bryan McVay announces Max Kael as the winner and new number one contender to the HOW World Championship as the referee checks on Scotty who is visibly upset as he sits in the middle of the ring. Joe reminds that Max will be taking on the victor of Halitosis or Brian Hollywood at Refueled Five in the new champion’s first title defense while Benny is ordering two more bottles of Jack to celebrate the impending victory of Max becoming the next world champion at Refueled Five as we cut backstage.
Backstage camera focuses on the locker room door of Brian Hollywood. A hand coming from off screen starts knocking on the door. Brian can be heard inside the locker and after a minute the door opens and Brian Hollywood is in his ring gear getting ready for his match.
Brian:”What are you doing here?”
The camera pans over to the man who was previously knocking on the door. It’s long time friend and former tag team partner Jace Savage. Dressed in his Black Armani Suit and designer shades.
Jace:’You didn’t think I would miss watching you defend your Heavyweight Title did you?”
Brian and Jace shake hands and bring it in for the half hug.
Brian:”No use in standing out here come inside.”
Brian turns around and Jace follows him into his locker room. Jace takes a seat on a bench as Hollywood tapes up his wrists.
Jace sits on a bench as Hollywood tapes up his wrists and finishes getting ready for his match.
Brian:”Glad to see you bro. Since last we talked you were getting back into the business. How’s that working out for you?”
Jace:”I got a few offers here and there, you know back and forth negotiations. Really though I came tonight to wish you good luck but I know you got this. To the future of High Octane Wrestling and your reign as champion my friend.”
Jace:”I’m going to go sit in my box seat and watch the rest of the show. Afterwards though We are going out for a few drinks and hit the town.”
Jace stands up shakes Brian’s hand again and heads out of the locker as the camera fades on Brian Hollywood.
Airing now with host Scottywood and tomorrow a special Father’s Day edition with Lee Best and friends
Back live and backstage to Halitosis’s dressing room.
HOW’s intrepid backstage reporter Blair Moise stops in and finds a very quiet dressing room.
On a table along the wall, there’s empty and flattened grocery bags next to an industrial sized blender. Scattered in bits and pieces on the table top are the remnants of garlic, jalapenos, green peppers, banana peppers, and curry powder. An empty tuna tin sits behind the blender and an opened package that contained fish hangs half on and half off the edge of the table. Various exotic and smelly cheese wrappers pile up covered by a pair of empty taco wrappers from Rhys Townsend’s Taco Truck.
Blair and the HOW camera find Halitosis sitting in a chair with a pair of headphones on. He’s leaning back in the chair and has the lead-lined, industrial sized container in his hand. Eyes closed. Almost like he’s meditating.
Standing close by are the usual suspects. Matt the Manager is downing Shooters to calm his nerves before the match. There’s the scriptwriters who work with Cue-Card Guy.
Blair approaches them. She points at Halitosis.
Blair Moise: What’s going on?
Matt the Manager shrugs and gulps down another Shooter. Cue-Card Guy speaks up.
Cue-Card Guy: No clue, Blair. We ran out to Rhys Townsend’s Taco Truck outside to get Halitosis some extra firepower and when we got back, this is how we found him.
Blair Moise: Well, I can’t interview him when he’s like this. Tell him good luck tonight.
Cue-Card Guy: Will do.
Blair exits. But the camera stays and focuses in on Halitosis. Eyes still closed. Relaxed.
What is he listening to? Or is it who is he listening to?
Ah. It’s probably a motivational tape.
Jackson C. Horne (voiceover): ”The guy who probably has the worst fucking gimmick ever in the history of professional wrestling. Some putz named Halitosis.”
Scottywood (v/o): “Haly has had only 2 short matches here in HOW for me to scout him… cause fuck knows we can’t find his shit from his crappy little bingo hall fed.”
Brian Hollywood (v/o): “Halitosis…you won’t just be one breath away. It will be the last breath you ever take when I nail you with that Executive Promise.”
The camera begins to slowly zoom in on the Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene.
Jackson C. Horne (v/o): “Fuck this underdog bullshit.”
Max Kael (v/o): “Max has a dream. A dream that someday he’ll run into a real opponent in this Tournament and not just a bunch of gimmicks and call backs who should have never crawled into that ring with him.”
Scottywood (v/o): “Someone who will rip that smelly mask off your face, make you eat it, shit it out and put the remains back on your fuck stain of a face.”
The camera zooms in closer. No change in expression.
Jackson C. Horne (v/o): “To hell with the Cinderella story. Do you really want the face of your company…the fucking first world champion coming back from a three year hiatus to be Halitosis?”
Scottywood (v/o): “…there is only so much shit I can talk about some dumb fuck with a shitty mask and bad breath.”
Jackson C. Horne (v/o): “If there is a God. If there is truly justice in this world. Brian Hollywood will knock this punk’s block off…”
Halitosis nods his head and lifts the container towards his mouth as the loop begins all over again.
Fade to black.
After a quick video package highlighting the High Octane World Championship tournament we cut again backstage as Blaire Moise is hustling intoHollywood’s locker room. She knocks on the door as Hollywood opens it. He sees Blaire and smirks…leaving out his usual eye rolling. He sees she’s out of breath and instead of going right into his usual tirade, is curious as to why Blaire seems out of breath.
Brian Hollywood: You know Blaire, you should really get yourself some help around here. Do I even want to know where you rushed in from?
Blaire Moise: Well I was just interviewing Halit—
Hollywood stops her right there as he had a feeling that was what she was going to say.
Brian Hollywood: So you decided to waste your time interviewing him when this match is clearly about me?!
Blaire Moise: Well this match is about BOTH of you…
Hollywood laughs at such a comment.
Brian Hollywood: Sure, Blaire, I’ll go along with the amusement seeing as how that’s all that seems to be going on around here anymore. Why isn’t anyone taking any shit seriously around here anymore? You know what….don’t seriously answer that. It’s the same fucking bullshit week in and week out and I’m SICK of it! Since when did HOW become a fucking joke?! It seems to me that ever since OCW came pouncing around, everyone would rather just go over there and treat HOW like a fucking third wheel and it fucking DISGUSTS me!! HOW should always be number fucking one ALL the fucking time around here but it’s not! Why are these locker rooms so empty?! Everyone around here NEEDS a god damn wakeup call Blaire, and I’m going to be that fucking wake up call when I complete my quest tonight!
Blaire Moise: Speaking of which, you have a chance to win the HOW World Championship officially tonight with just one more win over Halitosis. What’s going on through your mind as you prepare yourself for this last match?
Brian Hollywood: What do you think is going on through my mind? It’s always running and I’m constantly in go mode around here. But that fact of the matter is that I’m going to pin Halitosis and I’m going to reign supreme as HOW’s World Champion because I deserve to be. I don’t only deserve it, but I seem to be the only man around here who cares about it! Again, that’s fucking SICKENING to me and I’m about to barge into Lee’s office and demand that we punish all those motherfuckers around here who claim their all about HOW but they really aren’t. Again…HERETICS! I’m fucking surrounded by them and it seems that there isn’t anyone around here who’s pro-HOW anymore and it’s time that I fucking do something about it!
Blaire Moise: Well word was earlier, you had someone who was on your side tonight when it comes to the HOW World Championship. What can you tell me about Jace Savage?
Hollywood smiles briefly before he nods his head.
Brian Hollywood: Jace is a solid dude, Blaire. You want my honest truth? I’m the one who brought him over here because we need more people who’s going to treat HOW the way it should be treated. Number fucking one and I’ve always believed in Jace. We’ve got history, good history and I’m going to leave it at that right now because like I said…I’ve got plans to make HOW great again and it’s going to outshine OCW because OCW is just a second rated company that honestly never deserved to be included in HOW’s light. They are the biggest HERETICS because they fooled Lee into thinking that it would be fifty fifty but it never was supposed to be. That’s the first thing I’m going to fucking correct around here after I win the HOW World Championship once again. The time has come for the clock to strike midnight on Halitosis and everything be set right once again in the world of HOW. That happens tonight…one way or another. Like I said, I don’t care if I have to take on every last motherfucker around here to see HOW back in the glory it should be in. I said it several times…I’m at WAR with everyone in this company and after I win the HOW World Championship…I will make sure everyone remembers just what this championship and this federation is all about. The war rages on Blaire, and it’s far from FUCKING OVER! You’re going to see some fireworks set off and some people pissed off but that’s the way it’s going to be to get this place back in the condition it’s supposed to. One way or another Blaire….I WILL get what I want in seeing HOW on top…like myself…just like it was always supposed to be…
Hollywood pauses and looks at Blaire seriously for a few moments before nodding his head slowly and walking off down the hallway as we head to the final commercial break of the evening..
Just cause this is what is at stake in the next match
Back live and instead of heading to the ring, Refueled heads once more back to the big fancy dancy office of Father and Son. GOD himself is busy scribbling on some paperwork as the door swings open with what one might describe as a furious rage. Into the office storm the HOW (OCW) ICON Champion Cecilworth M! Farthington and his close personal agent and life coach, Dirk Dickwood, who is no longer a ghost. In reaction to the two men barreling in, Lee Best does not look up at all from his desk.
Dickwood: Oi, you bald headed, one eyed fuckwagon, we got something we need to discuss. Remember how weeks ago you BEGGED and PLEADED for my Megastar client to grace this shitty arena in this pathetic death match company with his presence. Do you remember getting down upon your knees to plead with me to bring the OCW ICON to Refueled to have the biggest celebration that this sad sack of a promotion has ever seen? So what… you send your goon squad out because you can’t do business yourself any more?
Farthington: The large man in adult diapers punched me in the face, it was very rude! I was having a good time, I had a Durango, I had a Dirk, I had an ICON championship. Then you get the lady one and her two old balding friends to walk to the ring and be all “GWAR, REMEMBER HOW YOU USED TO WRESTLE FOR ME” like anyone even remembers the past… and then he goes and punches me in the face. ME! THE BEST BOY!
The duo become more red faced in their ranting as the boss continues to shuffle around papers on his desk
Dickwood: What happened to the great new era we were promised Mr. Best? What happened to change for the better? I mean this show is called Refueled… me and C-Money came back and expect something different but it’s the same old shit again. You align yourself with a bunch of… let us generously use the term humans, although I’m not even certain that could apply to Eric Dane in the last publicity shoot I saw from him. You get them to beat up people you don’t like because those people are sick of your predictable shit and are willing to show the world your true colours. So now you threaten a title defense next show without even giving my client time to prepare, we’re sick of your sad sack shit. New era should bring changes, Mike fucking gets that, so should you old man. Just be up front. Just tell us MAH BOY’S opponent.
Farthington slams his paw on the table, staring down the top of Lee’s head, who continues to disengage with whatever is happening in front of him.
Farthington: TELL ME THE SECRETS! I WANT THE SECRETS!
The rambling and rantings of two mad men are interrupted by the office door cracking ajar once more.
Farthington: Great, my BEE EFF EFF Michael is here and will spill the beans. He is a good lad who means well!
Cecilworth hoists his ICON championship on his shoulders ready to greet his buddy and pal with a wide hug. Instead into the room enter 3 people. Which three people?
For the first time in the conversation, Lee lifts his hand up and points at the trio. He does not bother to lift his head however.
Lee Best: Next show.
Dickwood: You fucking what, mate?
Lee points at the trio once more.
Lee Best: Next show.
Cecilworth turns around to look at the Best Alliance, deciding he can’t even deal right now he bails from the room behind them.
We cut to an unscheduled commercial break as Lee literally decides he needs a few more minutes with his Best Alliance
Joe Hoffman: Ladies and gentlemen, this… is… it. Two men. One title. The HOW World Championship.
Benny Newell: At this time, I’d like to apologize to our sponsor Listerine. Although, I use it frequently to help me evade the police and their breathalyzers, at least I fucking use it!
Joe Hoffman: Don’t start, Benny!
Benny Newell: Then tell him to brush his damn teeth!
First out, Matt the Sports Entertainment Manager with his cue-card guy and his writers who update his script as they walk down to the ring.
A lucha wrestler walks out on the ramp dressed in all black with a giant ‘H’ on the front of his shirt. He also has a strange greenish haze emitting from his mouth.
Bryan McVay: …hailing from the Island of Misfit Wrestlers and weighing in tonight at one hundred seventy pounds. He is the ‘Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene.’ Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you- HALI-TOOOOOOOOSISSSSSSSS!
The fans cheer… and faint… as Halitosis makes his way down to the ramp, talking to fans as he heads to the ring.
“Perfect Insanity” by Disturbed blares over the PA. A black limo pulls out slowly from the back on the side of the ramp. The driver steps out of the limo and walks to the back. The driver opens up the back door and out comes Mr. Executive himself, Brian Hollywood.
Brian McVay: And his opponent, he was HOW’s last World Champion, BRIAN HOLLLLLLLLYWOOOOODD!
Matt Boettcher pats down both men and gets the verbal agreement that both men are ready to go.
The crowd are still on their feet, eager to see how this match is going to play out.
Boettcher calls for the bell as Hollywood and Halitosis meet in the center of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: As this match gets underway, it’s important to point out that this is 50% what some expected and 50% what some did not. Some say it is fitting that Brian Hollywood is here, the last HOW World Champion. Halitosis, a relative newcomer, finds himself in the biggest match of his career.
Benny Newell: The sons of Best were robbed throughout this tournament and now I got to sit here and watch these two? One a douchebag, and the other is Brian Hollywood!
Halitosis and Hollywood lock up. Hollywood quickly overpowers Halitosis and backs him into the turnbuckle. Halitosis pushes back towards the center but Hollywood overpowers again. As he backs Halitosis. Halitosis places his feet on the turnbuckle and sits on the top rope. Hollywood then uses his strength to release the tie up, bat down Halitosis’ hands and then quickly hit a dropkick. Halitosis is staggered on the rope. Halitosis tries to catch his breath, but Hollywood kips up. With Halitosis bent over, Hollywood quickly jumps up and grabs Halitosis’ neck.
Joe Hoffman: PAPER CUT!
With Halitosis on the top rope, Hollywood hits his jumping cutter, driving Halitosis head first into the mat. Halitosis’ feet are caught in the ropes.
Benny Newell: This early! Thank God! This’ll be over before we even know it. With how much canvas he just ate, he’ll be shitting squared circles for a week!
Hollywood moves to try to untangle Halitosis’ feet. By the time he does, Halitosis falls down to the mat. Hollywood covers.
Joe Hoffman: You have to believe that the delay with Halitosis’ feet just saved him there!
Hollywood quickly mounts Halitosis and pummels away with direct strikes to the face. Hollywood grabs Halitosis’ shirt and rips it open. He then stands up and begins putting boots to Halitosis’ chest. Halitosis tries rolling away by Hollywood follows. Halitosis leans against the bottom turnbuckle as Hollywood continues to stomp away.
Boettcher moves in and begins counting Hollywood who uses nearly all of the five count.
Hollywood goes to move in but Boettcher gets in Hollywood’s way and asks him to allow Halitosis to get to his feet.
Halitosis reaches up and grabs the ropes, pulling himself to a vertical base. He rips off his shirt and throws it down forcefully. Halitosis looks at Hollywood and motions with his hand to come on.
Hollywood charges at Halitosis who hits a drop toehold, sending Hollywood’s face squarely into the turnbuckle. Halitosis then stands over Hollywood. He grabs the ropes, jumps and drives his heels into Hollywood’s back.
The crowd erupt in cheers. Halitosis runs at the ropes and hits a dropkick to the face of Hollywood. Halitosis pulls Hollywood back into the ring and covers.
Halitosis grabs Hollywood by the head and pulls him to a standing position. As Halitosis goes to lift him up, Hollywood punches Halitosis in a gut. Hollywood follows up with a kick to the gut and then a punch to the head. Hollywood grabs Halitosis and hits a suplex. As Halitosis lay on the mat, Hollywood grabs his jaw and moves it around, trying to ease the pain from the earlier beatings he took.
Hollywood picks up Halitosis and whips him into the ropes. Hollywood bounces off the opposite ropes. On their return, Hollywood hits a forearm to the face of Halitosis. He goes for a cover.
Joe Hoffman: Back and forth between these two.
Benny Newell: Come on, Hollywood. Beat him senseless so he never opens his fucking mouth again!
Hollywood grabs Halitosis and picks him up, twists his arm into a wrist lock. He bends the arm behind Halitosis, locks it and hits a hammerlock DDT. Halitosis folds and slumps to the mat. Hollywood smirks slightly and raises his arm.
The crowd boos but Hollywood ignores them.
He grabs Halitosis by the mask and pokes him straight in the eyes.
The crowd boos louder as Boettcher pulls Halitosis away admonishing him for the eye poke. Hollywood shoves Boettcher aside and grabs Halitosis’ mask again. He twists it to the side and Halitosis can’t see anything.
Joe Hoffman: WHAT A HORRIFIC HUMAN BEING!
Benny Newell: He is a national treasure! By twisting the mask, he covered Halitosis’ mouth!
Hollywood picks up Halitosis, blinded by his twisted mask, and grabs his waist and head. He spins Halitosis in a 360 degree circle and then throws him shoulder first into the ring post. Hollywood runs at Halitosis and slides out of the ring. He grabs Halitosis’ legs and then uses the ring post to low blow Halitosis.
Boettcher begins counting Hollywood out.
Hollywood raises both fists in the air as the crowd again boos him mercilessly.
Halitosis grabs at his groin as he starts scooting away from the ring post.
Hollywood finally climbs back into the ring as Boettcher stops the count. Hollywood gets onto the second turnbuckle. Halitosis struggles to his feet and again grabs at his mask. He nears Hollywood who leaps and hits a tornado DDT. He quickly covers.
Hollywood slaps the mat, angry at Boettcher.
Hollywood rolls off and begins pounding at the mat some more. Halitosis struggles to his feet. Hollywood stands mere feet from Halitosis and motions with his hands, begging for Halitosis to adjust his mask. Just as he does, the last thing Halitosis sees is a jumping Brian Hollywood.
Joe Hoffman: PAPER CUT!
Hollywood rolls off quickly as Boettcher looks confused. Hollywood is coughing and gagging, holding his mouth.
Matt Boettcher checks on Hollywood and then checks on Halitosis before Boettcher quickly backs off.
Joe Hoffman: LETHAL BREATH OF DEATH!
Benny Newell: Fucker couldn’t kick out so he cheats using his fucking nasty ass breath!
The crowd cheers as Halitosis continues to show life.
Hollywood continues to struggle to breathe as Halitosis is allowed to recover.
Boettcher recovers briefly and administers a 10 count with both men down. After about 6, both men get up and look at each other. The crowd roars and both men charge at the center of the ring, trading furious and heavy punches. Hollywood gets the upperhand, punching harder and sending Halitosis backwards. Halitosis bounces off the ropes and punches back with added momentum. Hollywood reciprocates, sending Halitosis into the ropes. On his way back, Halitosis hits a clothesline. Hollywood quickly pops up and eats another and another.
Hollywood is down on the mat and Halitosis ascends the turnbuckle.
Joe Hoffman: SENTON BOMB!
As he rotates, Hollywood rolls out of the way at the last moment.
Halitosis’ back hits the mat hard. He starts screaming in pain.
Joe Hoffman: Both men are sucking wind. They’ve given everything they’ve had and more.
Benny Newell: I’m giving my all too. Giving all the fucks I have to pray that Hollywood doesn’t fuck this up!
After both men struggle to their feet, Halitosis and Hollywood run at each other. The two men both go for spears, cracking their heads.
Joe Hoffman: Both men had the same idea!
Both men stagger and slump to the mat.
Benny Newell: WAIT A MINUTE!
Joe Hoffman: HOLD ON!
Benny Newell: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
DING DING DING
Brian McVay: HERE IS YOUR WINNER… AND NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW HOW WORLD CHAMPION…… HALLLLITOOOOOOSISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
The crowd roar in approval
Both men are out.
Benny Newell: THIS CAN’T HAPPEN!
Joe Hoffman: Both men attempted spears but Halitosis fell on top of Hollywood! In fact, Benny, I don’t think either man realizes what has happened yet!
Boettcher points at Halitosis and raises his hand in the air, confirming the decision.
Boettcher grabs the freshly polished, beautiful #97red leather and drapes it over the chest of Halitosis.
As Halitosis gradually comes to, he sees the belt draped across his chest and looks at it, almost in disbelief, as the fans cheer for his success. The new HOW World Champion rolls to his knees, staring at the title cradled in his hands, and, to a massive cheer, he raises it above his head.
Joe Hoffman: Halitosis celebrating in the middle of the ring, he’s earned this World Title, Benny!
Benny Newell: Please. This is a dark day for High Octane Wrestling, to say nothing of a smelly one. Besides, once Max Kael gets his shot next week it’ll all be for nothing.
Joe Hoffman: Nothing you say can take this moment away from–
CUE UP: “Binge and Purge” – Clutch
The mood takes a drastic turn as “The Only Star” Eric Dane walks out from the back. No, it’s more like he struts out with confidence informing every aspect of his attitude. He stops about halfway to the ring, staring at Halitosis with a smirk on his face, all the while Halitosis holds the belt in front of himself, almost as a dare.
Joe Hoffman: Dane looks like he’s not feeling any effects of his tag team match earlier, though the fact is, Halitosis literally just finished the biggest knock-down, drag out of the night! What’s going to happen here?
Benny Newell: Whatever it is, I just hope Dane keeps the Champ’s mouth pointed down.
With the Champion’s attention zeroed in on Dane, he doesn’t notice the movement behind him.
Joe Hoffman: LINDSAY TROY! DAN RYAN AND LINDSAY TROY JUST CAME OUT OF THE CROWD AND THEY’VE HIT HALITOSIS FROM BEHIND!
The fans boo like crazy at Lindsay Troy clipping Halitosis behind the knee and Dan Ryan dropping his boot on the back of his head. Eric Dane circles the ring, directing traffic as Troy and Ryan continue to dismantle the new Champion.
Joe Hoffman: This is uncalled for! Can we get some security down here?
Now, having snatched a microphone from the timekeeper, Dane enters the ring behind his partners and stands over the fallen Champion. He leans down just a bit and looks at the fallen Halitosis and the title belt that still lies on the mat next to him.
Joe Hoffman: Dane with a kick to the ribs!
Benny Newell: What do you expect? He’s spent his entire career making an impact, why should tonight be any different?
Troy and Ryan lift Halitosis up, holding his arms wide while keeping him on his knees.
Joe Hoffman: Dane with a right hand! Another! This is absolute disrespect to the HOW World Champion and it’s terrible to see!
From somewhere in the stands, the fans begin to erupt in a reaction. It’s not a cheer or a boo, but it’s definitely a reaction.
Benny Newell: Can you see?
Joe Hoffman: Someone’s coming to ringside!
In the ring, Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan still hold Halitosis by the arms, but all three of the interlopers turn towards the crowd as someone steps over the guardrail and climbs from the floor to the top turnbuckle, staring them down!
Joe Hoffman: MJ FLAIR! BENNY THAT IS MARIELLA JADE FLAIR!!
Benny Newell: Who?
Joe Hoffman: She’s a two-time former CWF World Champion!
Benny Newell: That sounds suspiciously like not-the-HOW-World-Champion, so I don’t care.
Joe Hoffman: Her father is also one of the most respected, celebrated wrestlers of the past three decades!
Benny Newell: …Yeah, again, not ringing a bell.
It doesn’t have to ring any bells, as Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan both drop Halitosis from their grip and step back, looking apprehensive about this new arrival. They both look towards Dane as MJ Flair drops down from the top turnbuckle to the mat.
Dane is… grinning?
Joe Hoffman: Credentials aside, Benny… I’m currently receiving information about MJ Flair having a history with all three of the athletes currently standing in the ring, and not all of it has been positive! She has had a very up – and – down relationship with Eric Dane in the past year or so, and I’m not sure that he knows how to handle her!
Halitosis struggles to his feet after the hard fought World Title victory and subsequent blindside. He instinctively moves behind Flair, keeping her between himself and the others. Dane steps towards Flair as she turns to him and they come face to face!
Eric Dane: Well?
Joe Hoffman: Why is she smirking? Why is she smirking?
SUPERKICK TO THE FACE! MJ FLAIR DROPS THE HOW WORLD CHAMPION TO THE MAT WITH A STIFF BOOT! She hugs Lindsay Troy who now has a smile all her own, and the fans don’t know what to make of it! Flair fist bumps Dan Ryan, and she comes face to face with Eric Dane again, and he nods his approval!
As the crowd continues to buzz the feed cuts backstage where we see Father and Son both standing side by side looking at what just went down on the monitor.
Lee Best: Please tell my boy Max that he is welcome……and oh ya……Mike?
The Son turns his head slowly to Lee and for once his completely speechless
Lee Best: Meet the next member of The Best Alliance and obviously my War Games team…MJ motherfucking Flair!!
With that Lee pats his Son on the shoulder and walks off camera leaving Mike alone.
We cut to one final image of the four members of The Best Alliance standing above the new High Octane Champion as we fade to black.