Berry Events Center
Saturday April 20th
The Berry Events Center. Home of the Northern Michigan Wildcat hockey and basketball teams.
Halitosis approaches the thirty-eight hundred capacity facility sporting the lucha mask that he always wears out in public. The entry way to the arena consists of a large glass façade covered with a green and yellow sports mural with the Northern Michigan logo prominently displayed. Dressed in work out garb and carries his duffel bag in his right hand, he opens up one of the six glass doors and walks into the building.
Also with him: Matt the Manager, Cue-Card Guy, and The (two) Scriptwriters.
The group makes their way into the concourse. Halitosis keeps his eyes out for Dawn McGill.
Male Voice (calls out): HAL!
Halitosis stops in the hallway of the concourse. He steps back against the wall, also painted green with a yellow stripe- the colors of Northern Michigan and his eyes blink- visible though the openings of his lucha mask.
Matt comes to a sudden stop. Cue-Card Guy then bumps into him from behind causing Matt to involuntarily take two more steps forward.
The Scriptwriters then run into Cue-Card Guy who’s pushed into Matt- Matt moves two more steps towards Halitosis.
A clock next to a pair of signs that read ‘Section 19’ and ‘Section 20’- reads one o’clock in the afternoon. Several ring technicians walk briskly by Halitosis and his group hauling equipment as inside the arena, the Missouri Valley Wrestling ring crew are in the process of putting together the ring for an Easter Eve house show later on in the evening.
Male Voice (calls out): HEY HAL!
Halitosis’s head swivels back and forth. He tries to locate the person behind the voice.
The others also search high and low for the source of the mocking sound.
Male Voice: Right here HAL!
A door opens up and a familiar face to High Octane Wrestling fans emerges from the men’s room- former HOW World Champion Ray McAvay.
Ray McAvay: Your name is Hal, right?
McAvay bursts out laughing. He’s ribbing Halitosis over HOW Hall of Fame announcer Benny Newell’s mangling of his name during Refueled. Newell continually referred to Halitosis as ‘Hal’ during his match with Florence Kearsey. To be fair, Benny also struggled with Aunt Flo’s name as well and kept calling her ‘Floky’ throughout the match.
Halitosis pretends to be not amused.
Halitosis: Very funny McAvay…
Then he turns the tables on him.
Halitosis: …or should I say, former HOW World Champion for a whopping thirteen days, Ray McAvay.
Ray McAvay: Hey, my title reign was at least longer than Adonis Smyth’s.
Pause for one beat. Then the two men smile and shake hands.
Halitosis: It’s good to see you.
Ray McAvay: You too, man. How have you been?
Ray McAvay: Congratulations on your wins at Refueled. I was very impressed.
McAvay flashes a thumbs up.
Halitosis shifts the duffel bag from one hand to another.
Halitosis: So how’s Dark?
Halitosis is referring to McAvay’s wife Stacee Perry aka Dark aka one half of West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends ‘Dark and Stormy.’
Ray McAvay: She’s good. Dark is back at the hotel with Stormy getting ready for tonight’s show.
Halitosis: Who are you wrestling?
Ray McAvay: The SEC. We’re going to try to get the tag team titles back.
The SEC is the Sports Entertainment Coalition aka MVW Tag Team Champions ‘Dastardly’ Dave Miller and ’Dangerous’ Dan Williams. McAvay would be teaming with fellow HOW alumni Rah- The Sunshine God in the match.
Halitosis: Oooh. Tough match.
Ray McAvay: Yeah. They’ve been on a major roll of late.
McAvay rubs the back of his neck with his hand over an old scar- a souvenir of Ray’s time in High Octane Wrestling thanks to Scott Stevens piledriving him onto a steel chair on the second to last show before HOW’s hiatus in July 2016.
Ray McAvay: So what brings you here?
Halitosis: Would you believe- training?
Ray McAvay: Ah.
McAvay nods. He’s fully aware that his ex-wife Dawn McGill has been assisting Halitosis with his training regimen.
Ray McAvay (mischievously): So how was Siberia?
McAvay refers to Halitosis’s trip to the former Soviet Union for a week of intense training inspired by the movie Rocky IV and overseen by Dawn McGill. Unfortunately for Halitosis, the results were often humorous and rather embarrassing.
Remembering the Siberian experience and the often comical results that resulted from Halitosis trying to keep up with McGill’s training program, Matt the Manager and the others find themselves trying to suppress laughter from coming out.
Instead, they let out a couple titters until Halitosis shoots them a disapproving glare.
Halitosis (answering McAvay): Yeah, I really don’t want to talk about it. Besides, it’s all over You Tube.
Ray McAvay: I know. So is that music video of yours.
McAvay alludes to the infamous music video Halitosis did.
FLASHBACK: SOMEONE’S TOTALLY EMBARRASSING MUSIC VIDEO
[A line of men. Halitosis, dressed in his usual wrestling attire…black t-shirt with the letter ‘H’ in front and black pants. The rest wear the MOTM/‘Marauders of Mid-card’ t-shirts.]
[Marching band-style introduction.]
(sung to the tune of ‘Men in Tights’ from the movie Robin Hood-Men in Tights)
[Halitosis and the others strut forward in a Broadway-style kind of way.]
“I’m some guy, in wrestling tights.
Marauding through the mid-card every night!”
This time, Matt the Manager and the others can’t stop from laughing as they think back to watching the awful video for the first time.
Halitosis (cringing): Yee-aaahh…
The video was so embarrassing that Halitosis desperately wanted to forget the thing even exists. So he immediately changes the subject.
Halitosis: …so where is Dawn?
Ray McAvay: I think she’s in the main arena.
And with that, Halitosis thanks McAvay and motions his group to follow as he makes his way towards the main floor of the arena. The wrestling ring is set up. Two technicians run the ropes while a couple other workers make adjustments when called out by them.
Several workers set up folding chairs around the ring. Others load tables underneath the ring apron.
Working his way down the steps, Halitosis looks up and sees activity in the press box area on the other side of the arena. Way off to his left, there’s a giant, inflatable wildcat’s head on the floor where the basketball teams run out of during pre-game introductions.
Coincidentally, Dawn McGill suddenly emerges from inside the inflatable and makes her way towards the ring.
Halitosis spots her and starts waving his arms.
McGill identifies the HOW rookie and acknowledges him with a smile.
Followed closely by Matt the Manager and the others, Halitosis speeds up his gait and meets Dawn at ringside.
Dawn McGill: Welcome! How was the drive?
Halitosis: The drive was nice.
He’d caught a flight out of Chattanooga and landed in Detroit the day before. Then he rented a car and made the seven plus hour drive to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. The drive took him across the Big Mackinac Bridge that rises high above the convergence of Lake Michigan and Lake Huron connecting Michigan’s Lower Peninsula to the U.P. and the Lake Superior shoreline presenting Halitosis with a pleasantly picturesque driving experience to occupy his mind as he traveled towards Marquette.
Dawn McGill: Good, good.
Dawn checks her watch.
Dawn McGill: Give us about fifteen minutes and we’ll be ready to roll. You can go make your shake or whatever you call that drink of yours and we can get started.
Drink? Wait. Halitosis wasn’t expecting that.
Dawn reads his expression.
Dawn McGill: What.
Halitosis: Um, I…er…didn’t bring my ingredients.
Dawn cocks her head downward and her face projects a disapproving look towards him.
Dawn McGill: Seriously?
Sheepishly, Halitosis confirms the same. Dawn is not pleased.
Dawn McGill: Dude.
Dawn McGill: All right. I’ll be back in a few.
Fifteen minutes later, McGill returns to the ring dressed for training. Halitosis is already in the ring and doing some stretching out. Matt the Manager watches from the ring apron while Cue-Card Guy and the two Scriptwriters observe from the floor.
Dawn climbs into the ring and begins to talk while walking towards Halitosis.
Dawn McGill: Scottywood is no one like you’ve wrestled before. He’s a dangerous son of a bitch and they call him the Hardcore Artist for a very good reason.
McGill begins to pace back and forth.
Dawn McGill: He will fishhook you in the mouth. He’ll stick a thumb in your eye. He has no qualms on kicking you square in the balls to get an advantage over you. Scottywood will use a hockey stick and any other weapon he can get his hands on- to get an advantage over you. Wanna see what this guy’s capable of?
Dawn points to the video screen.
VIDEO: Scottywood vs. Chris Kostoff © – HOW Iconic- LSD Title Match – December 2008
[Scotty walks over and pulls Kostoff up and sends him crashing into the razor wire again. Scotty leaps and drop kicks the head of Kostoff harder into the razor wire!!!
Grabbing him by his head, Scotty rubs Kostoff’s face across the wire as the blood pools beneath him. Falling to his knees Kostoff looks up as Scotty’s boot comes smashing down into his skull. Pulling Kostoff up, Scotty slips on the blood. Both men fall to the mat as Scotty lands hard on his back….
Both men are down. Scotty stirs first and gets to his feet. Reaching down he pulls the bloody mess that’s Kostoff to his feet. Scotty launches Kostoff into the ropes, coming back Scotty goes for a clothesline…..Kostoff ducks the move…stops in his track, reaches back and drops Scotty with a neck breaker!!!
The crowd is literally hanging on every move as Kostoff pulls Scotty up and drives him into the wire face first. Rubbing his face across the wire Scotty hollers out in pain. Dropping him, Kostoff stomps away on the back of his head.]
Dawn McGill: Most of all, not only can Scottywood dish out the punishment, he can sure as hell take it in return.
She turns back towards Halitosis.
Dawn McGill: You have to be ready for anything and everything.
McGill gives him the ‘tsk…tsk…tsk.’
Dawn McGill: General George S. Patton said it best- ‘you fight like you train.’ That’s why you should have loaded yourself up on whatever you drink before the training-
Halitosis looks down at his phone while Dawn speaks.
If not bringing his special drink to training doesn’t go over very well with her, Halitosis not paying attention as she’s trying to help him navigate the treacherous waters of HOW makes her very angry.
Dawn McGill (sharp tone): What the hell are you doing?
She walks over to him and rips the cell phone from his hands. Her face contorts when she sees what Halitosis is looking at.
Dawn McGill (accusingly): Twitter?
Halitosis (hemming and hawing): Well. Everyone’s on Twitter and I thought it might be a good idea to-
He observes with interest as Dawn starts feverishly pushing buttons on his phone.
Halitosis: Um Dawn. What are you doing?
McGill ignores him and continues to push the buttons on the phone.
Halitosis: Dawn. What are you doing?
She holds him off.
Dawn McGill: Just…about…there…
He becomes a little alarmed.
Dawn McGill: There.
She finishes up and hands the phone back to him. It takes Halitosis a whopping two seconds to realize what she’s done.
Halitosis: You deleted my Twitter account?
Dawn McGill: Yep.
Halitosis: Why did you delete my Twitter account?
Dawn McGill: Because there’s no reason for you to be on Twitter.
Dawn McGill: That’s not how you are going to win matches.
Halitosis pouts and sputters.
Dawn McGill: Twitter is a distraction you don’t need. You suck at talking. You will win matches by outworking and outsmarting your opponents- not outtalking them and certainly not by out-trash talking them.
Halitosis (whiny): But-
Dawn McGill (firmly): No.
Halitosis (more whiny): Awww, come on.
Dawn McGill (more firmly): No.
Halitosis (even more whiny): But-
Halitosis suddenly feels a sharp jolt of pain emanating at the top of his spine and spreading down the nerves in his back.
Halitosis: OWWWWW! What the-
He spins around to face his attacker. His eyes widen.
Halitosis (in shock and horror): Oh my God!
Who is it?
It’s a female dressed in a replica Charlestown Chiefs hockey sweater wearing black rimmed glasses with tape applied to hold them together. She holds a hockey stick in her hands and the most sinisterly malevolent intentions in her eyes. She also appears to be missing one of her front teeth.
Close up: in actuality, there’s a black cover over her tooth to make it appear she’s missing one of her front teeth.
Halitosis: Oh, not you-
Halitosis spins around after taking a hockey stick to his forehead. Blood begins to flow freely and starts seeping through the opening in his lucha mask.
Dawn McGill: I believe you remember the Hanson Sisters.
Andrea, Melissa, and Charissa Hanson aka…The Hanson Sisters. Three brunettes each sporting their own replica Charlestown Chiefs hockey sweater. Each wear a pair black glasses and are armed with a hockey stick. Andrea wears number sixteen on the back of her jersey. Charissa- number seventeen. Melissa- number eighteen.
Charissa nearly breaks her stick over Halitosis’s head and causes him to stagger wildly towards the ring apron.
Dawn McGill: Fight as you train. Train as you fight.
Melissa knees Halitosis in the groin.
He bends over to a ninety degree angle. Melissa follows with a right hand.
Dawn McGill: This is exactly what Scottywood is going to do to you.
Andrea and Charissa charge and ‘check’ him hard into the edge of the ring. The impact nearly knocks the wind out Halitosis.
Dawn McGill: Scottywood won’t be fighting you using the Marquis of Queensbury rules.
Melissa swings the stick again. This time, Halitosis has enough presence of mind to duck and the hockey stick whizzes over his head.
Dawn McGill: He sure as hell won’t be playing nice.
Using just his instincts, Halitosis trundles up onto the ring apron and rolls under the ropes. He tries to clear his head following the Pearl Harbor-ish assault by the Hanson Sisters.
He doesn’t see Andrea climb up to the top turnbuckle. Nor does he realize that Charissa has taken up a position behind him.
Dawn McGill: Scottywood is going to hit you from every conceivable angle.
Andrea leaps off the top and extends her feet out for a missile dropkick. Charissa swings her right leg around and takes aim at his legs. They connect at precisely the same time. Andrea dropkicks him just as Charissa sweeps the leg out. Halitosis takes a violent fall on his back. Then the icing on the cake.
Dawn McGill: Scottywood is going to do anything he can to make that ring a living hell for you!
Melissa grabs the top rope and slingshots herself up and over and onto Halitosis- knee landing again in his groin area.
Matt the Manager recoils. The Scriptwriters cover their eyes as Halitosis writhes on the mat in pain.
Scriptwriter #1: God save us.
Cue-Card Guy holds up a card: “I can’t believe my frickin’ eyes!”
Scriptwriter #2: These girls are a damn disgrace.
Charissa runs by the group with her stick out at head level.
*WHAP* Down goes Matt the Manager.
*WHAP* Down goes Cue-Card Guy.
*WHAP* Down goes Scriptwriter #1.
*WHAP* Down goes Scriptwriter #2.
All drop to the floor unconscious.
Dawn McGill: Scottywood will try to fuck you up in ways you’ve never been fucked up before.
Andrea swings the stick down at him. Halitosis barely evades.
Dawn McGill: You need to be ready for anything he throws at you.
Halitosis rolls back out of the ring. Stumbling along the apron and still bleeding inside the mask, he tries to stay on his feet.
Melissa slingshots over the top rope and lands on his back. She tries to choke him out.
Dawn McGill: Because Scottywood will throw everything at you.
Halitosis backs Melissa into the ring post. And again. Three times. Andrea and Charissa to the floor. Andrea swings the hockey stick again and belts him in the stomach. Falling forward, Halitosis catches himself on the ring apron and tries to get away. Charissa slams into Halitosis again.
Dawn McGill: General Patton also said that a good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week. That’s Scottywood’s wheelhouse.
Halitosis snap slams Melissa to the floor. He ducks Andrea’s hockey stick and drives his shoulder into her stomach taking her down to the ground. Charissa whacks him in the back with the stick causing him to stand up rigidly. Halitosis then back kicks Charissa and mule kicks her into the ring post. Again, Halitosis climbs back into the ring.
Dawn McGill: You can’t rest against Scottywood. You’re going to be under pressure every second of the match.
Halitosis bends down and puts his hands on his knees. He tries to catch his breath. But the respite is only temporary. He looks up- Andrea, Charissa, and Melissa Hanson stand in front of him in the ring. Looking for any sign of Matt the Manager’s return, Halitosis takes a deep breath.
The three Hansons force Halitosis back into the corner. Fists. Knees. Biting. Sticks. The women pummel him mercilessly for nearly a minute.
Dawn McGill: Fight back dammit!
After the Hanson sisters finally back away, Halitosis tips over in the corner.
Dawn McGill: While Scottywood is busy fighting half of the roster on Twitter, you are going to get ready for the fight of your life.
Halitosis glances up.
Halitosis (to himself): Oh snap.
He sees all three Hanson sisters lining up a slap shot. Each Hanson has a puck.
Dawn McGill: He’s overlooking you. Scottywood thinks he’s going to blow right through you and maul you to death and move on.
Each Hanson winds up.
Dawn McGill: You need to make him respect you. You do that knowing you may not win this match but you’re going to make clear that you are not going to lose without a fight.
Each Hanson takes the shot. The pucks elevate from the mat.
Halitosis channels what little energy he has left into propelling himself with his legs through the ropes and out of the ring. The pucks fly by harmlessly.
Well. That is, they miss Halitosis.
The pucks continue unabated in their upwards trajectory towards the press box towards an unsuspecting public address announcer who’s just settling in for a long day.
Unsuspecting Public Address Announcer (singing to himself): Nearrr. Farrrr. Wherever you arrrre…
Yeah, his day is about to get a whole lot longer thanks to the three projectiles fizzing through the air in his direction.
Unsuspecting Public Address Announcer (singing to himself): …my heart will go on-
Everyone in the Building: OOOOOOOHHHHH!
Dawn has seen enough. She raises her arms to end the training session.
Dawn McGill: All right. Time! She raises her arms.
Halitosis is on the floor in a crumpled heap.
Matt the Manager, Cue-Card Guy, and the Scriptwriters slowly come back to life- also lying on the floor in a heap.
The three Hanson sisters high five and skip off to the back.
Dawn shakes her head and goes over to Halitosis.
Dawn McGill: Fight like you train. Train like you fight. Tonight is nothing compared to what Scottywood is going to put you through at Refueled Two. This is just a flyspeck in the windshield of what Scottywood is going to bring to you inside that ring unless you fight like you train and train like you fight.
McGill sticks her foot out and shakes Halitosis back and forth to make sure he’s alive.
Dawn McGill: After Refueled, you told me on the phone that you wanted to make sure you gave Scottywood a good fight- you wanted to push him to his limit and make Scottywood earn his win. Well, the only way you’re going to do that is to show up for training ready to fight like you train and to train like you fight. Scottywood can be beaten. He’s got his vulnerabilities. Scotty is good for one big fuck up a match- it’s ingrained in his DNA. He’s going to give you an opportunity at some point to win the match. If you can take advantage of it, you’ll advance on. If you don’t take advantage of it, you probably won’t win.
Slowly, Halitosis comes to his senses. Much of what she says does filter down to him.
Dawn McGill: Scotty thinks you’re nothing more than a Fisher-Price refugee from a crappy Fisher-Price wrestling company. You need to prove to Scottywood that you belong in the ring with him. And that means staying strong and not backing down from him. That means standing up to him and firing back at him with full guns blazing. If you can do that, you’ve got as much chance as he does to advance on to the semi-finals.
McGill extends her arm out. Halitosis takes her hand and is helped back to his feet. Blood continues to drop from inside his lucha mask.
Dawn McGill: It’s all up to you. You know what you need to do.